みんなさん見て下さい。

After much thought and consideration, I have finally come to the conclusion : 

I will be 'deactivating' myself and this account from AFF. Please note that this is not a joke. I don't think I'm the sort for pranks.

Not now, not immediately. But in due time. This will be my final blog post to every one of my friends. If you miss this blog post, then well. I'm making an early blog post to warn people ahead than to suddenly pop out the notion of leaving.

This account won't be gone forever, at least not until AFF decides to purge it due to inactivity or something. I'm keeping it here because D3stinyx is my favorite username ever. It's been with me since I was young and it's hard for me to NOT use this name on any website that I ever join. I think all my friends know that much. But I have several stories, complete or incomplete that have been posted on this website that I feel hesitant to take off.

I must say a lot of things have been happening in my life and I've been getting horrible mood swings. One moment I'm happy and in the other I'm depressed. I've been tired. Really tired. I know it's mean of me to say this, but no one I turned to could really help me, but I don't blame them, because my issue is something personal. Something no one can really assist me with except myself.

AFF has always been my second home ever since the moment I've found it. So I've been apprehensive about withdrawing myself from this site. It's where I gained a lot of beautiful memories, and forged many unforgettable ties. There was a time I always looked forward to being on the site, to reading replies, to spamming others, but those times feels like they have faded away. I can't get myself to commit to this site anymore. I'm not doing this to gain attention and I don't need anybody's concern, but yeah, I feel really restless and that nothing has a meaning anymore. I want to be there for everyone I met on this site, I want to make more friends, share more interesting conversations, forge more connections, but there's a huge part of me that's completely empty and my resource is empty. There's nothing for me to draw from to reply to people anymore. 

I tried to find a source of motivation to look forward to the site. I tried to join graphic design families. I know I got turned down for most since I only applied to the top shops, but I think I was turned down for a better reason than my lack of skills, and that was because this day was bound to come whereby I just want to leave the site. That's why I wasn't accepted, so that it made it easier for me to say goodbye and not be irresponsible.

As such, when will I be deactivating?

I've set myself a simple goal.

I'd deactivate the moment I finish my "The Boy In The Glass" story. Yes, it's actually the last thing holding me here on the site. But, before I even touch this story, I will finish up "That Paper Plane Could Not Fly'.

I will close down Timeless Eden (delete it) and I'd judge Hanakisou appropriately. If my co-owner blythe doesn't have the time to take over the shop, I will leave after I finish all the current sent-in requests. I'm sure I can work something out with her. But I will leave a few loose ends untied.

I am sorry. I am sorry to all my readers for "The Smile Maker" my very first story on this site that I just could not find the will to type anymore. I am sorry to my readers and my friend, Charmaine, for being unable to finish my shameless story of "Cinderella's Quintet". I am sorry, to all the people who have previously requested a one-shot from me. I have tried. I have tried to come out with the plots and tried to get myself to get down to them, till the end, they are nothing more but empty promises. I am sorry for having been such a liar. I hate myself for all my mood swings and how they will bar me from getting down to writing. But there's little I can do to myself if I just don't feel like writing it. I'm sorry to have created "April's Fool' but still have nothing posted. I will probably deactivate without even updating that story.

Last but not least I'm sorry to everyone I owe wallposts/PMs to. I was the one who started it all. I was probably the one who tried to make friends with all of you but I'm sorry for the lack of response and commitment to the friendship. I really love making friends but I guess right now I'm in a stage whereby I don't really want to socialize excessively. Or rather, I can't get myself to really sit down and reply to comments/messages/wall posts anymore.

I am just... sorry. You can say I'm fed up. Fed up about everything. I'm having one of those mood swings all the time and I think I should just end so that nobody has to stick up for my crap. I will still reply to people on Kakao, Skype, or whatever. But honestly speaking, sometimes I feel like there's no longer a need for me to reply to anyone anymore regardless which platform I'm on.

See? I'm really having a mood swing.

However, there's still an bright side to this. I am sure I will be back on this site. No matter what kind of depression I go through, some things stay intact. I love to do graphic design. I love to write. I'm sure this site will still be my platform to fully indulge in those hobbies of mine. There'd be a high chance I will properly pick up all my unfinished stories and complete them. Such as Smile Maker. I'd also reopen Timeless Eden. But by then I'd be using a different username. If you can still find me and remember me then, I'd be grateful.

This might be an end. But I still think it will pave the way for a new beginning in the future.

Anyway, till then. This is my final blog post as I stated and I will deactivate in 3 days after "The Boy In The Glass" is completed. If I'm not wrong it'd probably take me a good week to properly finish up Paper Plane and Glass. I won't make another blog post so I'm saying an early goodbye. It's been enjoyable, and I'd be back again, maybe this year, maybe next year.

Sincere thanks to everyone who made the stay so special.

Feel free to find me on Skype or Kakao, if you really feel like keeping in touch with a depressed idiot.

Umm. You can find me on both platforms with D3stinyx. (What did I say about my favorite name ever.)

じゃあ、また。