Story Title: Tamed Heartbreakers
Story Author: Marianations
Reviewer: -Kaara

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Title (10/10)
First of all, I really love the title of your story! It really gives out the impression of the message that you want to send as you write it; in other words, it is straightforward. I am not saying it is simple or too cliché, but it hits the right spot— giving readers the feeling of a drama coming their way with just a sweep- through of your title.

You also managed to pull me, a reader right into the heart of your story with one quick look at your title; which seldom makes me attracted because I am a pretty picky person. To attract readers means to have a good and eye- catching title to go by— and you nailed it! Good job!

Description (7/12)
Now, I wouldn’t say that your description was all bad, because it wasn’t. It just needs a little help.

If you say that they are university students, then I don’t think it is appropriate for you to put ‘…The school’s heartbreakers.’ Even from there, I could detect more errors that must be corrected. Forewords and Descriptions are crucial in pulling in interested readers. If you don’t manage to attain that goal with grammatical and spelling errors abundant, then you might as well check your mistakes before posting.

[Description] ‘…Dae Sung tried to demonstrate to Bom that he was more handsome than he seems; Young Bae woke up at 5am to steal some roses and orchids and present them to Sandara, eventually confessing his feelings to her. As for me, I sang for the both of them…’
‘…I am a genius.’

Apart from those mistakes, you really did well in laying out how your story goes in the Description. Be careful and watch out for errors like these because they can change a person’s understanding and point of view towards what you are trying to say.

Storyline (18/23)
I must say it has been an enjoyable ride from the beginning to the very end. To be honest with you, given the description and the starting of your story, I was not actually looking forward to finish it. It seemed like the everyday material to read with no zest of excitement whatsoever. But I was proven wrong as soon as I reached the of your story.

The feeling of confusion and anticipation bubbled up inside of me and changed my whole perception of your story! I began to feel so intrigued to know each of the characters’ happy endings and each chapter after that was never a bore, to be quite honest. You have a knack for humour and that brightens the story’s atmosphere; not to mention us readers! Everything came into place – much like assembling puzzle pieces to get the big picture— in the end and I can’t say how satisfied I am for it, though I’d really miss reading and enjoying it.

Though, the chapters were pretty lengthy with loads of mistakes that became an eye- sore for me, I had taken my time carefully to read and really understand it. It isn’t a problem, no. But I urge you to check on your story before posting, maybe consult a proof- reader. Nevertheless, I have no say in this because I know English is not your mother tongue, so in a way, it is appreciated if you try to at least learn a bit of the language you write. It wouldn’t hurt and I know you’ll improve greatly.

Before I finish off this department, I just have to say that the TOPBOM story is my favourite! It’s not that I dislike DARAGON’s segment but the former is just so heart-warming and romantic that I fell in love with them. Well done!

Writing Style (6/10)
After a thorough and enjoying sweep through your story, the most obvious element that you excel at is humour, and there is no doubt about how you execute it. It really smoothed the cold, raging colours that sometimes show through the story’s telling and the fact that it is also a romantic comedy is more than enough to compliment it.

Although humour is your best weapon in the story that attracts readers all around, I must point out that you are on a beginner’s level towards becoming a novice writer. Professionalism in writing and illustrating stories do not come on a silver platter. The effort is in you yourself in wanting to better improve and attract many more readers to flock to your creation— not just for its humorous element, but also for the good use of language and for international readers worldwide to be able to enjoy. Moreover, it isn’t just you who is learning by doing this; other people who are poor in English can learn from you too!

You’d be doing a great deed to them~

In addition, I find that your writing skills lack elaboration and ‘flowery sentences’, or in this case the use of ‘bombastic words’. But be alert! If you do not know how to apply it into the sentences of your story, then you needn’t have to. It may give the readers a hard time trying to understand, especially those poor in the language. All I’m saying is that elaboration must be accompanied by sentences that are not dull:

[Chapter 8] ‘…Who knew that Sandara would ever thank her enemy for saving her life? It was unthinkable to begin with; she had been loathing men and underestimating them for all her life and she thought nothing would change that. It had been her life’s standard quota: to never trust men.
But now, after all she’s been through and how he came and fixed everything she knew was wrong, Sandara never saw this possibility coming…’

However, if you do know the tricks in applying bombastic and big words, you’ll be making your story more interesting to read! Just don’t push yourself too hard on impression, because that would never end well. Please keep on improving!

Grammar (12/30)
The feeling of ditching your story for another was too great a temptation for me, but I came to my senses a few times because I know that you are also learning so let’s take baby steps, okay?

First of all, I appreciate that you told me beforehand that English is not your language. But for your information, English is not tied to one specific country; it is a universal language fit for everyone. So in general, knowing the right use of English is crucial in sharing your stories and writings for everyone to see. But learning is a different altogether, because English is neither easy nor hard. It is where you put your heart where it matters. So let me point out some of the more critical mistakes you did:

[Chapter 3] ‘…Listen attentively and closely to me; this is a DISASTER! (Please check the spelling if it is right or wrong. And ‘d’ is not a vowel, therefore ‘an’ is not suitable to be before ‘disaster’).
[Chapter 8] ‘…Ji Yong switched on the television in his bedroom and started to watch a/the late night drama…’ (The most evident mistakes you did were getting the nouns mixed up. ‘In’ is used to express and object inside a place; articles like ‘a’ or ‘the’ can be used if the word after that does not start with a vowel ie. a, e, i, o, u and right spellings are a must).

Other than that, you also must take note that you are still an amateur writer. To add professionalism to your story, please refrain from using words that are not suitable to be used when writing like:
[Chapter 19] ‘…YAH! PEOPLE! COME BACK HEREEEEEEE…’ (This shouldn’t be executed because it shows how poor you are in writing experience. Of course it expresses how she is saying it, but you should just put a simple ‘HERE’ to make things much better).

Always remember to use full words because it is a crucial point to better English. Now I know I’ve said it in another department, but if you are really weak in the language, please seek help from a friend who can proof- read for you. Better still, you yourself can check on each sentence and detect an error or two before posting. I know I’m a mouthful for saying that, but many of the writers here ignore that important fact. Therefore, since you are still learning, please take note and do not repeat your previous flaws.

And with that, I’m happy to say that your story could only use the standard help, because the mistakes mostly involve tenses, nouns, verbs and conjunctions.
Please keep on learning!

Characterization (6/7)
It is admirable that you did a ‘Main Characters’ profile on your Foreword, and I do appreciate the effort. I can see, as well as the other readers, what you are trying to spread by your story— a cold- hearted having to put up walls because of a terrible incident that broke her heart, a caring, equally man-hating sister who despises men because of what she has seen through her sister and two friends assigned to break them of their icy confinements.

Furthermore, I love how you made a perfectly good portrayal of each character in your story, because it somehow fits them. One of my key policies for a good storyline is to have suitable characters and personalities as its filling; and you did a great job.

Each person let it be Ji Yong or Seung Hyun, has their own individual struggles and missions with their appointed targets. You also provided the characters’ backstories and although it isn’t much to go by with, readers will have already received the bug picture on how the story would be going as they indulge deeper into your story.

Personal Enjoyment (6/8)
To say the least, it has been a bumpy roller coaster ride of comedy, drama, intimacy, confusion, romance and emotional flashbacks as I ran through the chapters of your story. It was quite exhilarating to be honest. I have often loved romantic comedies and the perk of being one of its readers is to just go with the flow and love it.

But given the countless grammar mistakes, I’d have to spend a few moments to try and grasp the actual meaning, putting aside the errors you make. It would be appreciated if you could at least stop and check on your stories and how they would turn out to be rather than letting the readers to wallow in their own selves trying to figure out the actual meaning of your flawed sentences.

It isn’t an overall disaster, your story, I mean. What with all the mistakes that you yourself can fix, it is an enjoyable ride until the end. Though I would like to point out that Bom and TOP’s relationship was… rushed.

When you stated that Bom was a cold- hearted person and would never in her life accept another man in her life, I thought it would be the hardest for TOP to break her. But Bom was the first of the sisters to fall and break out of her confinements, or in this case; tamed.

I had expected more dramas and conflicts from this couple but you actually did a great job in constructing an aftermath of those qualities. Keep on working!

My Grading Scale!
10 + 7+ 6+ 12+ 6+ 6 = 65/100
C: A good read, but needs checking.
“It has a great plot and the storyline is very exhilarating. It is also very romantic, full of emotion and with funny segments. Do check this out!”

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A Note From Your Reviewer: There is no excuse to my lateness besides ignorance. I apologize from the deepest depths of my heart to the author of the story. Mianhe ><

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