Have you ever had this happen to you? You're just sitting there doing something and you suddenly start thinking and thinking and BAM! You have this life/future/reality kind of Ohhhhhhh moment. I had this moment in the shower today lol idk why i'm talking about it here but eh dont have anywhere else to ramble :P it's my blog where i can talk my crap so go away if u dont care!

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So why do we humans try to achieve the things we don't have when in truth we own the whole world, well what seems like the whole world. We try to get people that hate us to like us, we try to get those things like video games or stuff cuz they're awesome and you just want them but can't have them, we are more attracted to things that are out of our reach. And why do we compare ourselves with each other, oh if we have the same things why do they get liked more, why are they more popular something like that.

So total confession time with my story here then... gah how do i say this i feel awkward OTL

Well last year 7th grade was like perfect for me, i had the awesome teachers with a few that students pick on, i had my awesome group of friends that are just like total besties i cant live without them! and well i felt like i was a different person back then i was a bit more outgoing i would have more class participation points and actually talk to everyone (not sayin i dont do that now)

eveyrthing was perfect until 8th grade... i was sort of seperated into different classes than my besties like totally different classes we dont have a single core class together. and i was stuck with the popular blondies bunch (yea im not particularly popular just known as that asian girl) and well this group was the athletes and the smart blondes and the chicks that were always hit on and trutfully the group that alot of ppl envied.

Well i sort of hung out with them this year more like with the sorta outcasts of their group but i still hung with them like at lunch and stuff. Most of them don't even look at me in truth so forget about actually talking to me, and only like the two "outcasts" (well i cant say outcasts they're just not as PART of the group that much) actually talk or look at me. And i could tell i was slowly growing a bit distant idk why but i wouldnt talk in class as much it just became like i was a bit scared to talk and speak up not just in class well mostly in class but socialzing not too much either. Half of the time i felt like i was kind of there but not there. I always secretly wondered why i became like that. I still dont know now but is it bcuz i was never aknowledged by the blonde group i lost the self confidence to speak? idk i guess i am that weak.

Well then i hit realization today because of something so very simple my 7th grade bestie said to me after orchestra class we had together. We were getting our stuff to go, our backpacks, lunchbox and a violin. like we all carried the same things. And she said to me:

"I don't get how we have the same thing but everyone loves you but everyone hates me."

And idk but realization just hit me right there. The everyone she was referring to apparently was the blonde bunch, she like me was a bit obsessed with wanting their attention. i didn't feel so alone on that point anymore but i felt stupid like so very stupid.

We both sort of set a invisible goal to get that popularity with them and my friend thought i reached that goal when in truth i havent. not at all! And i said to myself you know what, im not going to stick to them and be silent anymore my life these past few months at skewl have sort of been based on 'oh will they talk to me today?' 'will they look at me?" 'what if i did something and something?' and i felt like a total idiot i mean srsly what was i thinking!

then i looked back at my friend that said that simple phrase to me and i looked back at all my other friends that i had with me all along just never thought about them much when i was busy being silent with the blondies, and then i looked back at myself in 7th grade. i was THAT different. yet i changed for something so silly and stupid. and maybe just maybe if i appeared as myself to them they would accept me but i wouldnt do that. i wouldnt go back and try to gain their popularity and aknowledgement after this OHHHH moment. wouldnt it just be better to be yourselves, that self that consists of your friends and family and who you are not what you want to become for someone else.

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LOL so sorry for all that rambling but my OHHHHH moment sorta just affected the rest of my 8th grade life so im like YEPEEEE OTL but now i feel like supppppeeer stupid=____________= gah thanks guys if some of you really did read all of that crap i typed haha well i hope no one makes a stupid decision like i did and just remember to be yourself^^