Oh my god there's actually writing after this

I'm confused, so damned confused, and it's all because of you, always because of you--you who's always so damned close but you who I can just never reach, because I'm me, and you're you, and "me" and "you" are two completely different people living in two completely different worlds that will never intersect again. We run on parallel tracks that happened, by some godly mistake, to meet for a few years, but after these few years pass, and after God fixes his mistake, they'll be running in parallel lines again, parallel worlds that won't meet again. And after that, I know I'll think back and remember you, but will you remember me? And if you do remember me... will it be in good light?

I don't even know what I want from you anymore--is it selfish to want to be something precious to you, something special? Sometimes, during those rare times we talk, I do feel that I'm... not just another acquaintance, but every time I glance at you from across the classroom, or across the table, I know that that's exactly what I am--another someone, another grey figure that fades into the background in all your glory.

Do you know how many times my cursor has hovered over your name on facebook with me wanting to talk to you but not knowing what to say? Do you know that I take care to remember your schedule so I won't bother you the day before a project is due or the day before a hard test? Do you know how many times I go online just to see if your name is there, and if it's not, try to appease the disappointment in my stomach and wonder to myself what you're doing?

It's tiring really, because I don't even know why I'm doing it. All I know is the sinking feeling in my stomach when your reply is less than friendly and eager, even though you probably don't mean it that way, and the endless conversations that I want to have with you (the ones we once had, barely a few months ago), and the approving look I want you to give me, and the short, sarcastic comments I want you to throw my way during break, and the references I want you to make to me when you talk to others (like I do to you all the time).

God, it's not like I'm in love with you or anything; I don't even like you that way. It's just... I want to be friend with you. And even though you say we are friends... is it bad if I want some sort of confirmation?

If making friends is this hard... do I still want to try?