Story Title: Standing on these feet ... again.
Story Author: YoTaeHee
Reviewer: willienelson09

Title: 3/5
It was unique, but it wasn’t that eye catching.

Appearance: 2.5/5
The background and poster was too cute for an angst story. In my opinion, you could’ve had a different background. Something that had a more of a cool color, that worked with the poster so it could give you that angst feeling.

Foreword/Description: 10/15
The prologue was really good, but you should’ve had an actual description and put the prologue as a foreword.

Originality: 10/10
I haven’t read a story like this before and it was quite enjoyable.

Storyline/Flow: 16/20
Your plot is good, but the flow of the story happened to quickly. You could’ve been more descriptive about some things because I was left at times like, “What just happened?” It will sometimes confuse readers (as it did for me), but overall it was good. Also on another side note, the flashbacks you had, happened to frequently. It was unneeded and you could’ve had all of the flashbacks as one chapter, then continued on with the story. It seemed as if you had the flashback there to explain something that the OC was talking about, to give more explanation of the whole situation.

If you had the flashback all in one chapter, then that way, it will keep the reader on edge and wanting more. To make the reader question as to how this is going to work with the whole story. Its something fun to do.

Characterization: 8.5/10
You put the characters too much out there. You put who they were out there too bluntly. There was no character build up and also, I thought Jia was naive as a character. She went with things too easily or got upset to easily, but I LOVE the OC. It’s very rare that I read a story where its an OC male and the way you made him act as Kevin, brilliant. It was so heartbreaking because Kevin didn’t want her to know that he had died and it was overall just brilliant because Vincent carried on Kevin’s wish. Making sure that she skates again. Loved it.

Grammar: 20/25
Overall, your grammar is really good. Just minor things here and there, nothing major, but one thing I didn’t like that I’ll point out was your dialogue. You put lots of the dialogue into one paragraph and doing that confuses readers. When doing dialogue, make sure that you separate them.

For example:

How you wrote it (this is something I just thought of on spot):
“I wonder if she’ll be alright,” he questioned himself. “Who?” the other man in the room asked. “My one true love,” he stated.

How it should be:
“I wonder if she’ll be alright,” he questioned himself.

“Who?” the other man in the room asked.

“My one true love,” he stated.

Bonus: 10
Because you have a male OC and that you broke my heart near the end when Jia found out.

 

Overall Score: 70/100