How is Kim Sunggyu sucha perfect leader? Aigo. Click here and let your feels kill you.

I literally cried after watching this. Why? Cause after I had a bad day, I came upon this. And it just hit me, and I cried. Sorry readers, this is more of a ranting post.. /cries harder/

Ok, I understand if I'm not the most sociable in the family, or I may be the most distant away and all, but I've had enough of my mom going back on her words. I mean, c'mon, raising my hopes up high, and then freaking crashing it, no scratch that, slamming it right down on the cold floor? Seriously? Have I ever asked something ridiculous from you? Have I? I have never pester you to buy something, even if it's my wants. Whatever I want, CDs, posters, merchandises, food, school stuffs, I always save up and buy it on my own. But please, this.. I really can't afford to save up for something as much as $80 cause I was busy spending my money paying for school stuffs and all. Whenever I save, I'd end up using it because of emergency. 

And you said you can't help me pay, because after you pay the upcoming bills, you won't have any cents left? Ok, let's lay it out like this.. I understand that we are an average family and I have never asked you to fork out money to spoil myself. No. Whenever I asked for money, it's always to top up my bus card right? And you said that, "Oh after I spend the $80 on you, I won't have enough money to pay for my other bills and I'd have to sell my stuffs on eBay to have money." . Ok, maybe you're wondering why I'm upset about this? Simple. No money, don't spend. Right?

THEN WHY IS IT THAT YOU HAVE MONEY TO SPENT BUYING SHIRTS, DRESSES, SHORTS FOR MY SISTER THAT SHE DON'T EVEN NEED IT AT THAT MOMENT? Seriously, you said you have credit card bills to pay off, then why are you still spending it? Oh really? Does she need it for some performance, or recital? Is it a need for her? Cause I don't think so. ALL of the clothes you bought for her are for going out. When I myself have NOT much clothes. At home, I'd always wear my jerseys or school attire (gym). I rarely go out cause I'd end having to wear the same thing over and over again. I understood that you have no money to replenish or stock my clothes. So if it's my sister, you're able to? 

I mean, imagine yourself smiling, and being so sincere and understanding, and you kept saying, "oh it's ok!" but whenever your mom comes home with your sisters, bags and packages from branded goods seen. Seriously? Doesn't that breaks your heart? It's not those normal clothes some more. It's those tops from FOREVER21 that cost around $ PER top, and those shorts that cost around $ PER shorts. Yet my sister have LOADS of those shorts. I can't even count the number of colour she has. I'm not lying! My ratio of clothes to hers is like 0.5 : 10000 . It's that serious. And calculating it all... it would cost my mom around $100+ spending it on my sister. 

So you can spend on my other sisters but you can't help me with a single want from me. Right, I get it. It's okay. Your favouritism is SO seeable. Lol, I know I'm the ugliest among the rest, that's why you spend on them right? I mean, I'm a girl who hates wearing shorts and all. Which mother would like their daughter who is not girly right? I get it. I GET IT. I've had enough. Whatever ok. 

When I had trouble in school, I was being bullied, I ever told my closest form teacher that I DON'T want my mother to know about this. But being the caring teacher she is, she still contacted her though. AND INSTEAD OF COMFORTING me, I was being scolded. Seriously, at that time, I just felt like crossing the road even though it's not green yet. I swear I felt unwanted. After that, things are back to normal. Yeah whatever, I was always so distant in the family anyways. I know this might not be the best option yet, but I have ever cried to my stepmother, storying about my life. I hated adding burden to others, really. 

Ok bye, I feel like writing another suicide!fic ; go ahead and try to cheer me up, I challenge you readers.

and no, I've not been receiving enough love, but yet I've been thankful enough to put up with her nonsense. cause others have it worser than my situation i know..