I woke up yesterday and still blurry-eyed, went on Tumblr. That picture was the 1st post I saw, literally. And I scrolled past it ‘coz I honestly thought it was just a weird selca of Sungmin and Hyuk. 

Then I woke up enough to read the comments and tags.

That’s when the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach appeared. Not because of the content of the photo, but because all my Hyuk-biased friends popped into my mind. Right then, I felt a little of what they probably felt when they saw the picture.

I’m going to be sincerely real here, so I hope I don’t offend anyone.

As fangirls, we all have that delusion of ending up w/ our bias. It’s part of the package. It’s their marketing strategy. That’s how SM Ent and other agencies earn money: from our delusions. That’s why they’re so strict w/ their talents about relationships. Because the more they appear available, the more fangirls’ delusions are fed, the more sales are made.

But for us fangirls, of course it’s deeper than that. I’m apologizing in advance for generalizing because I know that there are exceptions out there. If you are one, I respect and admire you for it. But back to what I was saying.

MOST fangirls have that fantasy of ending up w/ her bias. It’s sort of a secret thing, like a secret dream you nurture. Of course we shout out that we love our bias and we joke around calling them our “hubby”, or their parents our “in laws” and whatnot. All in jest, because everyone does it, right? But deep inside, there’s a part of us that adamantly hopes that it’d one day all be real. That maybe, just maybe, we’d be the one to win that special lottery of the universe and be the first unknown-fangril+bias fairytale.

So for me, it’s a natural reaction to be shocked and upset and want to cry in a dark corner when reality like that picture slaps you hard. Because it’s like that moment in a child’s life when they learn that Santa Claus is not real. It’s realizing that no, you are never going to get a Hogwarts letter. That Little Mermaid actually turned into bubbles and disappeared into thin air and did not live happily ever after, and how we’ll never know how love can move a mountain and why the skies are blue because Mandy Moore’s character died at the end.

There’s a reason why people cry over books and movies. They may be fictional, but at some point, they made us BELIEVE in them. That’s the key: BELIEF. Once you do, believe in something, even just a little bit, you get attached to it, and w/ attachment comes feelings, and feelings can be painful.

I guess what I’m saying is… Let’s give the Jewels/Hyuk stans some time to mourn for themselves, for their special hope and dream. Let’s also support the ones who are taking this hard. I’m not saying that I condone the crazy ones bashing IU or suddenly leaving the fandom or doing some other stupid , that’s just WRONG (and should be forced to seek psychological help). I just want us (sane) ELF to bond together and help each other out.Because it’s only us who can understand what it feels like to be an ELF. Because we’re all going through this together.

In all honesty, if it were my bias, I’d be a wreck. I would cry. I admit it. I would cry and not want to get out of bed. That doesn’t mean I’m not happy for him. Because the boys finding love is such a beautiful thing and I want them to be loved so much by someone they love in return. I hate it that it’s so hard for them to have such a normal thing like a relationship. But at the same time, I’d need time for me, too, to let the disappointment pass and accept reality. Then when I’ve let it all out, I can move on to being happy for him. Typical stages of grief. 

Because at the end of the day, it’s ourselves that we’d need to deal with. True, we don’t have to deal with public scrutiny and all the unfair crap Hyuk and IU are dealing w/ right now, but at the same time, we also do not have fans to protect us and who understand what we’re going through. Because even though we have family and friends, I mean, really, they’d just think we’re insane for being so affected by someone who doesn’t even know of our existence. 

ELF only have fellow ELF to understand and support them.

Only when we’re alright can we whole-heartedly protect and support Super Junior.

Last but not the least, I am truly and sincerely happy for Hyuk and IU (whether they’re together or was or still are or IDK I’m not really sure what’s the sitch w/ them). If they’re in love for real, then I hope that they’d be happy forever and that she will take care of dear Hyukkie. I also hope that zombies gnaw on each of the haters’ brains. Maybe that’d get some sense in them. I hope the two will be alright. Please, let them love. And let us continue loving them.