Review by --CherryPie

Title: 6/10

To start off, your title didn’t exactly thrill me to be honest; I am guessing it is because of the poor capitalization and the over-use of exclamations marks used. I don’t really think it is necessary to have the entire letters capitalized because it makes the audience think you have poor written English skills which is not the case at all. The exclamation marks further make the title seem downgraded and it kind of gives a feeling that the entire story is going to be filled with exclamation marks and capitalized words. Obviously reading your story, that is not true but if you make your title situated like that, the more likely readers are going to think your story will be styled that way as well.

However saying that, it is quite a unique and original title because I have never read a title like that and it does capture my interest in some aspect. ‘You Bet!’ isn’t something you see commonly in Asian fanfics so I have given you points for the usage of originality. Furthermore, your title is also short and simple making it easier for the readers to be interested easily. It isn’t long that it doesn’t even look like a title so I am pleased that you kept the title short and sweet.

Description/Foreword: 9/10

Your description/foreword was much better than your title because looking at it briefly; it did look like it is going to be a great story to read. Onto your description, the description was prefect and I can’t really find a fault in it. It was what a description should be like; it said the general storyline however it didn’t explain too much so that we can be curious to find out what will happen. It seemed like a blurb that you would read in the back of a book so I honestly love the description.

Your foreword was brilliant as well; it had a short peek of what the story was going to be about and that can make the readers intrigued to find out more about it. It wasn’t a long prologue nor was it just two or three lines so your prologue is to excellent standard. Another thing is the structure of the description/foreword which was in the right order as in, the description, the prologue/foreword and finally the author’s note and characters. This structure means that the readers pay attention to the story before the author’s note. Also, you didn’t describe your characters which were a good thing! I really found your description/foreword great!

Plot: 18/20

The plot was quite original and it was certainly not a common plot. I love how the plot was because of dare by Ella’s rival. It was interesting read the story to see what will happen to the dare she had. The plot gave that unique feel to it and it made me want to read on and see what happens. At the end, I was surprised at how Ella went off to achieve her dreams however the epilogue was cute and fluffy to show how Ella can have her happiness with Chun. Honestly it was like a romance story with its typical drama going on which I loved to read.

Characterization: 18/20

Ella was a normal typical girl however throughout the story I have seen her mature and made decisions based on her own feelings. She was aware of her decision in the end of leaving Chun which made me love the fact she wasn’t the common girl in stories these days that give off everything for their loved one. She went off to pursue her acting and it made me realize she was a unique character to start with which made me love her character more.

Languages Skills: 16/20

Your language skills were fairly good although I can spot some few mistakes that could be changed since it was quite noticeable that you made a mistake there.

Original: “I love you too.” Ella replied as they continued their kiss as if they are the only two people in the world.

Correction: “I love you too.” Ella replied as they continued their kiss as if they were the only two people in the world.

Original: Of course, by the way Chun is acting he looks like an over protective boyfriend, but this is because he has his reasons. Today he is especially worried and over protective because he felt that something wrong is going to happen. He even planned to spend the entire day with her, but he overslept and that cause her to run off God knows where without him protecting her.

Correction: Of course, by the way Chun was acting he looked like an over protective boyfriend, but this was because he had his reasons. Today he was especially worried and over protective because he felt that something wrong was going to happen. He even planned to spend the entire day with her, but he overslept and that cause her to run off God knows where without him protecting her.

It was a paragraph the one above but it was because of your grammar mistake that was seen throughout this paragraph. Your whole chapter was in past tense however this paragraph used present tense which made it seem irregular when reading.

Original: He was so worried that he barely eats

Correction: He was so worried that he barely ate.

Another grammar mistake occurred here where you should have typed ‘ate’ instead of ‘eat’. Your punctuation was excellent however and I feel it was only your grammar which you should work on.

Flow: 9/10

The flow was really good throughout the story. It was quite slow at the beginning but you picked it off and it became stable towards the course of the story. Just make sure, you keep the flow in your future stories because I feel the flow was excellent!

Total:   76/90 or 84%

Comments Overall: Reading the whole story, I actually loved it since it wasn’t something I read every day. I am not really a fan of Fahrenheit but even with those characters I still liked reading it because it was a great story to read.