disappointment hurts, not because it pelts you with tiny poison-soaked daggers, but because it builds up, the momentum and force escalating noiselessly, the needle on the speedometer veering out of control, and then when you least exepect it, when you're the most vulnerable, when you think everything is finally going your way...

BOOM.

it comes crashing into you, full-force, with a gentle, mocking smirk, so smooth and sharp, cutting through you with ominous ease. the pain doesn't come right away, oh, no. it's numbed and obscured by that wretched sliver of hope you so desperately cling onto. then, the only silver linging embarks on a suicide mission to ruin you. it plunges headlong into a dark, endless crevasse, never to be seen again. but it leaves with a smile, knowing that it is the reason for your tears, for your pain. and the last thing it hears before it shatters is its own manical laughter.

really, the only question is "what matters to you?"
but when my answer is "i don't know,"
the only one in pain is myself.

when the only thing keeping you hanging on is gone,
you keep moving forward.
not because you can, not because you want to,
but because that's the only thing you know how to do.
like a machine, you go through the same routine,
all the while, asking yourself
"why am i doing this."
yet, you keep doing it.
....because it's the only thing you know how to do.