Hello.

I saw you today. You were smiling playfully at me as if you’ve done something that would piss me off…like you knew something I didn’t. I smiled back and out of the blue, I felt your cold hand touching my right ear lightly. You know I hated that and you drew back as I scowled at you. Just when I thought I’d yell at you or something, you spoke. You said, “Are you okay?”

Then my eyes flew open. It was morning. I was dreaming…and I wished I hadn’t woken up. I wish it was real. In that world, you existed, but the moment I’m conscious, you don’t, at least not physically. You do know you exist in my thoughts, not only in my waking hour, but every second of my existence. You’ve changed the balance of my life. It’s like I’m missing a big part of me. Since you’ve gone, I’d wake up and look for something very important, but I can’t figure out what it is. At night, I’d sleep feeling incomplete.

I can’t sleep, by the way. I’d wake up every half hour despite of sleeping late. When I wake up, I’d feel like the load I carry had just become twice as much. I thought I’d feel better, but the wounds are fresh.

Until I could sleep again, without the fear of seeing that lonely smile, I’ll carry that load.

Every time you bid me a good morning, I'll feel that pain weighing down on me.

I wish I could say the same to myself, but good night.