On 20th of April -Kamiruchan

Title: 4.5/5 

The title is mysterious without giving too much away and also informative. It's just the grammar. "On the 20th of April"

Foreword/Description: 8/10

Your story is simple and so is yoru foreword. I know how hard/at times unnecessary this part is so I won't be taking off to much points.

Plot: 9/10

It's adorable. Simply adorable. The plot wasn't overly predictable and Luhan was so cute. It was creative in detail and overall, this is a birthday fic. I'm not expecting a melodrama.

Flow: 8.5/10

I liked that you gave the timings but sometimes it could be a bit awkward. Overall the pace was fast and not boring.

Originality: 8/10

Once more, I'll say that this is just a birthday story. Yes, it's a typical fangirl loves oppa story and he loves her back confession but it was sweet and some details you added such as the layers of wrapping paper, really stood out.

Grammar/Vocabulary: 7.5/10

It wasn't bad so that I couldn't understand it, but there are some mistakes that I think would help improve your writing if you worked on it. Your vocabulary is clearly pretty strong. 

You wrote: " That was weird for you? "

Correction: "That was weird for you." It's not a question. 

There's a bit more but not enough to point out. 

Details: 9/10

Overall, pretty descriptive but sometimes you can add in a bit more of the settings. AND. You should have made April 20th more significant. I know it was his birthday but have her bake him a cake or something. Your title afterall, is "On the 20th of April."

Poster: -/5

I won't judge here. Posters don't mean everything and if you don't have it, I won't take points off. Instead, I will just give you the 5 points. 

Total: 59.5/70

This isn't a bad score. Just go back and try to fix a bit of the grammar. It's the conventions, such as "on this day," "suddenly as opposed to sudden," etc. Overall, good job.

 

*Ginnie, I did this at 4 in the morning so I may be a bit lenient. But I did like this story

 

It Wasn't Like A Fairytale But You Were Still My Prince Charming - lollysheep

Title: 4/5

Pretty long, but that doesn't concern me. It's cute and I already sort of know what the story may be genre wise. But you need to capitalize the words! It also is opposite of the ending so I don't know if this is considered misleading. 

Description/Foreword: 9/10

Short, sweet and simple. I like it. There's not a lot of plot revealing junk for me to sort through and the quotes were great. Other readers may not like it, hence the one point off.

Plot: 8/10

This was a solliloquey, meaning that it was just this one person talking the whole time. And I'm assuming the narrator is Donghae. The plot overall was typical angst, but due to your title, I had expected there to be a happy ending. Not a lot went on action wise but the messag ewas pretty powerful.

Flow: 10/10

Your story reads like a poem more than prose. You went along smoothly and the usage of "I remember" is a rhetorical device called anaphora which is really useful and also engages the reader. Good job.

Originality: 8.5/10

It's pretty cliched, but the ending was unexpected and the writing is very elegant. 

Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10

Just some things I want to point out:

You wrote: "storys"

Correction: "stories" plurals are important. Know them please.

That was the most glaring. Also, you used the word "smile" a lot. Like, "you smiled the smile" It works for a bit before getting too repetitive, so maybe synonyms. The "I remember" isn't a problem because it made your story more powerful.

Details: 8/10

In a story that is the style you wrote, it's pretty difficult to have much detail but maybe it could have been a bit longer, more about why he pulled away and how Donghae is now. You also specified that it was Eunhae. But except for a few descriptions such as his smile and dancing, this could have applied to any couple. Maybe you could have tried to make it more obvious. 

Poster: 4/5

It's good because it shows Eunhae but it doesn't fit with the fairy tale like theme.

Total: 59.5/70

Not bad. For a story that was your first and for someone who's not a native English speaker, this was a pretty good story. Hwaiting~

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Title: Out of 5 pts.
*Foreword/Description: Out of 10 pts.
*Plot: Out of 10 pts.
*Flow: Out of 10 pts.
*Originality: Out of 10 pts.
*Grammar/Vocabulary: Out of 10 pts. If you want to specifically point out some mistakes, then use this format:
-You Wrote: [write mistake here]
-Correction: [write correction here]
*Details: Out of 10 pts.
*Poster: Out of 5 pts.