Alone

Note: I'm sorry if this post annoys anyone, but I really need to get this out.

Long story short, I feel utterly alone. I'm surrounded by people, both friends and family, yet I'm alone: surrounded by an invisible wall that people put between them and me, usually without even knowing it. Kpop is my life. I listen to it when I wake up, when I go to bed, and during any free time I have in between. I write stories about it, I have dreams about it, I watch it, I practice it, I think about it, I look through pictures of it, I squeal over it. I love it with all my heart. Yet I only know one other person who also listens to kpop: my best friend in the entire world Scarleth (aka Acarlex). Sure we can fangirl to each other and help each other keep up to date on kpop news, but let's face it, we can't be together 24/7. We both eventually have to seperate and go our own ways. Other than Scarleth, I have no one. Don't get me wrong, I have other friends, but none of them listen to kpop. And it's not just that they don't listen to it, it's that they ridicule it. They make fun of it, calling it 'asian crap', 'Squinty eye music', and plenty more. They make weird sounds like 'ching chung cha' pretending to imitate it, and they flap their arms around saying that they're dancing 'Korean style'. I know that most of the time they mean it as a joke, but joke or not every insult thrown at kpop hurts me. Why do they do that? I feel like I can't be myself around them since I can't talk about anything related to kpop. I feel like I'm hiding my true self. And it's even worse at home. My family doesn't accept kpop at all. Often the phrase 'but you're not even asian' comes up in our household. Does it really matter that I'm not asian? Does that have to influence my interests?I don't understand why people have to be so narrow minded. They close off the possibilities from other places in the world and I feel as if they close me off along with those possibilities. Does anyone else feel this way?

Comments

You must be logged in to comment

charmander #1 Jul 5, 2012 00:25:33

Yea, I get what you're saying. A lot of my really close friends don't listen to kpop and I feel that because of that we sort of just drifted apart. It makes me feel kind of sad because it's like I lost my besties but what I try to do is talk about other things, even though it's really hard since I don't really do much except school, eat, sleep, and kpop but it's worth the effort since I don't want to lose them. I think with that whole "making fun of kpop" thing, you just have to make them realize that it hurts you. Try telling them that you know it's a joke but you don't feel it's appropriate. Compare it to like a racist joke or something. LOL Idk but show them that you know it's a joke but at the same time it still hurts. They're you're friends. They should understand.
With my fam, it's sort of the same thing except I am Asian so instead they're all like "why do you like that, you're not even Korean?" and it hurts that there's a part of them that doesn't really accept me for who I am but what I try to do is get them to understand that kpop is a part of me, I can't just let it go. What I tried to do is show them that it's important to me and it worked in a way. They started accepting me, though a little tiny bit of them still thinks I'm crazy for liking it so much but at least it's better than before.
Hope this helps!