Hey guys..:/. At the moment I am really depressed and most of the time I hold it in and store it away but that leads to me having break downs and okay i will not go into details because i doubt anyone wants to hear my sob story of my depression :/. Anyways, I really miss my parents I haven't seen them in three weeks :(. I've been in Thailand for three weeks they are here too but not with me. I am staying for two months and they are leaving in four days. I don't understand anyone and my friend (who was a foreign exchange student at my school and im staying with her) she always speaks thai :/ i mean i understand she missed her parents for a year and speaking your own language but she hardly talks to me. She said she was excited for me to come here but she seems to just ignore me. I sit in the car quickly while they all speak Thai, and i feel like her sisters don't like me and make fun of me. Then again I don't know since I don't speak Thai! I miss understanding people :/. I miss America soo much right now! I want my umma.

I like Thailand I do but everytime we are out in public people look at me like I'm a distgusting bug or something. Well, only some people. Others look at me with interest (not the y interest but you know like I'm different). I want to go home but for my senior year in high school (im a junior) I want to be a foreign exchange student in Austrilia (Julian Wilson :3 he is my favorite surfer and soo gorgeous!!! I shall post a picture on here of him well, i think he is very gorgeous and he is from Austrilia!), but they speak english there so I honestly don't see how I'd be so depressed there as i am here. I mean yes I'd miss my mom and dad but at least when someone cracks a joke I don't stand there going "What?" and look like an idiot. People look at me like you are supposed to laugh you know. I wish I could speak Thai so then I'd be able to talk to people. No one really knows english except my friend and she barely speaks it now or if she does it's to ask me questions. And if i talk to her she acts like she didn't understand me or maybe she didn't hear me :/. I just miss America.

I wish I was back there. I like asia I do. It's hard :/ I miss my family, my country and my own bed. I miss my room :(. I wish I could go home so then I could get a new kitten since my cat died (I miss my cat :/). I mean yes it's a great thing to come to Thailand and travel but I want my mom with me when I do. I'm 16 and I can't take being away from my mom this long. Sure a week yes but when your friends family is all lovely on their mom, holding their mom's hand, joking around with their mom, you wish you could do that too. I can't joke around since no body understands me! I can't even talk! I feel miserable here :(. Even with kpop stuff around here I miss home. I hate the little town I live in but I still miss home :(, the USA. I just don't feel like i fit in Thailand. I feel like the fuirt loop in a world of cherrios. I have blue eyes while everyone else has brown or black eyes. I feel fat next to these asians :/ they are so tiny! And my face is all broken out in acene when theirs all smooth and nice! I feel so ugly :/. I really want to go home with my parents not in 6 weeks and 2 days :(. That's too long. I wanna speak english and have people understand me. I WANNA EAT POTATOS!!! I MISS POTATOS SOO MUCH!!!!!!!!! And i want to have a burger!! Not McCdonalds burgers either, a nice thick juicy burger!

I miss being able to wave at people and not get a weird look (okay even in America you get weird looks if you wave at someone you thought you knew but don't). I don't mind bowing but it's still strange to me. I am used to the Korean way of bowing since I watch a TON of kpop. I would probably do better in Korea since I know more Korean than Thai but I am not flunet I know very little Korean. I understand Korean more though. I manage to pick out their words and know what they are saying because of english subtitles on videos, I kind of understand them in a way. I wish I was with my parents :/ and on top of that Leeteuk is leaving for the army :(. Which i think means Yesung is going to leave soon too, but I don't know when Yesung will leave :/. Ugh anyways i think i am just a big baby who needs to it up :/. I'll stop now..sigh.

and here is my love julian wilson :)