So June 22nd marked the 20 year anniversary of my fathers death.

How does a person feel about that? I am not sure how to feel...I don't love my father...and I don't miss him.

Don't get me wrong, I dont hate him. I just never even met him. I was about 6 or so months old when he was taken away from me. He wasn't there when I was growing up...to develop love for him...and to miss him when he leaves for a while.

I never got my father-daughter dance with him. He wasnt there to see me cross over from primary to secondary school. He didnt see me go off to college, and he wont be there to walk me down the isle and give me away...to see my children, and my brothers children, his grandchildren. To grow old with my mom...i don't get to have that...but I'm not complaining, I refuse to cry...I'm strong...I'll stay strong.

But still...there's a void in my heart...an emptiness...a longing for what it would feel like to have a father. See, I don't believe in divorce {unless absolutely necessary} but at this point I wish he was in my life even if my parents were divorced so long as he was in my life...or if he was on the other side of the world even...or constantly traveling...as long as he was around.

but those are just empty wishes...voids which can never be filled properly...scars which will heal, but never really fade away.