Poster, banner and background: 9points.You should go and request a background! It gives more of a light feel to it when the reader is reading. XD

Foreword and Description: 10points. There are some spelling errors.

Example (I can't bold them since I'm on the iPad):

Michelle Ong AKA Ong Min Ah   

-The new trainee. Stubborn, pursuasive, boyish, friendly, competitive, childish

It should be:

Michelle Ong AKA Ong Min Ah   

-The new trainee. Stubborn, persuasive (see that?), boyish, friendly, competitive, childish

AND THE FONTS SIZE. (AND COLOR)

It suddenly became small and I couldn't read it. (Same to the colors too.)

You should make the font the same size and DON'T, DON'T MAKE LIGHT COLORS AS THE COLOR FOR THE WORD OR WHATSOEVER.  

Originality and Plot: 15points. Not the first time I've seen in AsianFanFics. But at least some parts in the story were different from others, I guess I HAD to give you 15points.

Grammar, spelling, spacings and correct use of punctuation marks: 23points. Sorry baby. 

EXAMPLE: 

"What?" I say walking to the table and taking bite from the egg that was on the table.

"Whaaat?" I say while I eat the egg. (Just so you have a picture. It's a scrambled/mixed egg)

It should be:

"What?" I say walking to the table and taking bite from the egg that was on the table.

"Whaaat?" I say while I ate (see that?) the egg. (Just so you have a picture. It's a scrambled/mixed egg)

So...I guess I made my point?

My advice is: After you wrote the chapter, hide it first and check for grammar/spelling mistakes etc...

After you checked and you found no mistakes, unhide it

Flow: 8points. It's quite okay, not too fast, not too slow. BUT, it has fast moments and rare slow moments.

Audience Impact/Enjoyment: 7points. I was in the toilet typing this XD and it was quite uncomfortable! So I deducted 3 points. One, for the uncomfortableness. Two, for the rare slow and fast parts. Lastly, THE SPELLING! Your grammar was not so bad though :3  

Overall: 62/100. Tell me if I calculated wrongly :3. I'm NOT a Math person XD