Argh...I can't stand myself.

Ok...  This post is going to be one of those that make less logic than a potato.

Firstly, yesterday we went clubbying again... As always I danced my heart out; about 12am a dude started winking to my friend and evetually he joined our group ( I hate when it happens). It'd be nothing if he wasn't that....sticky? Well not sticky...argh... The thing is that I watched my friend and him dancing; dance looked completely normal, when I was dancing with him he was touching me all over and oh dude how gross it is. I hate skinship! Why does it always happen to me? What happened next (I still can't figure out why my life is playing with me like this) was I met a guy...

*throws up*

Ok, you all (I think) have a type of a person that you really like; wel I do too. Mine is pretty utopic but still when I go somewhere I expect to meet a person who I can at least face without wanting to leave and never come back. Well, the person from yesterday was far from being my type. Short, stumpy and old.

Ok, enough about yesterday.

I'm a person that always must be perfect. I love perfect people I try to become a person that I love. But the sad fact is that the perfect image and a perfect person is only in my mind, outside I'm a complete oposition of what I want to be. I'm confident yet I have a plenty of insecurities, I like healthy cocky people yet I'm rather arrogant, I love smiling people while I am always nagging let alone my personality ...even I can't put up with it!

I have a friend that is a really good person, she is always smiling and inspiring, and she has lots of patience,whenever she sees me mad she tries to tolerate it; however, people usually let me be the top, I mean while argueig they let me win, they let me be what I am (or what I think I am), if I am mad and unbearable they will just accept it, this actually has grown a habit in me - I don't do anything to change it because I know that I'm acting bad and egoistic but people will still stick with me. So I take advantage of it.  Moreover, I became so unbelievably overbearing that I started ignoring other people's feelings, let alone respect. I have lots of respect towards strangers, but there is no for friends and family, and you know what, I even enjoy it! (I know I'm a bad person but it seems that it's grown in me). But today I learnt that my egoism is going too far. My friend who I love a lot started mirroring me; she was late for  a meeting and I hate it (I am never late), she knew that I was pissed so she even lingered more ( I saw her), eventually she made a lame excuse just to get me irritated; in the end, we started talking and it was near fight but I knew that we wouldn't fight, yet we reached the point where one of us had to apologize (the guilty one was me) but ,boy, I never apologize, it has to be my top!

There is a saying "You see even a little dot in one's eye, but you can't notice a log in yours" (or something like that ) Well I see logs in my eyes(lol) but I just ignore them like a boss. 

What do you want from us, you may say.. Well I wanted to ask whether anyone has experienced it? I really want to become a better person since I see that I'm hurtting people I love. 

Any suggestions?

I read everything again and I am disgused with myself.