Get Away

Let me start of this review by introducing myself. I’m Whytheglumface, or you can call me Steph. *^^* I’m here to just offer you friendly advice in your story which you’ve humbly requested for me to review. Please do not take any criticisms as an insult, but as an opportunity to improve your story. I apologize in advance if I have offended you in any way.

Since this is a one-shot, I’ve created a short but sweet review for you.

Title (7/10) Does your title fit with your story?

Not eye-catching. Nothing is eye-catching about it. If you’ve read my previous blogs/reviews, I repeated countless times that a big chunk of this section is to how much a title attracts me. Your writing style is exceptional, so I would’ve expected you be quite clever with your titling. No matter how much I found the title to be faulty, I have to reward you points for conceding the tile with the story. Nice attempt anyway.

Poster/Background (9.5/10) Comments on graphics.

The poster is actually extraordinary; not the type  you’d encounter in AFF. You’ve easily gained high points for this section. It doesn’t fail to attract readers. Well done in that aspect! However, I’m confused as to why ‘Obvious Lies’ are the words that appear, while your title is completely different. I would assume that ‘obvious lies’ would be a quote that you’re trying to imply, so I saluted you for that.

Foreword/Description/Plot (30/30) Was the description accurate and give details about the story?

This is a suggestion, but for background music, you can include “Baby Steps” by TaeTiSeo. WOW. The first paragraph: totally mind-blowing. Amazing words used to convey CL’s feelings. She’s got the swag and confidence that you don’t see very often in AFF. Well done! I was caught-off guard with your level of writing! Impressive. Your writing is noteworthy. It’s easy to visualize; down-to-earth writing that some people can easily relate to. Though heartbreaks and break-ups are overly used concepts in AFF, I don’t mind it as much. My expectation is that you’ll somehow blow my bind (bwee bwee bwee lol at SJ) with the plot of the story. Fast-paced fan-fictions are my thing, after all. CL is in the abyss of confusion, which I totally appreciated about this story. You’ve conveyed her feelings through her actions, which I admired. The flashbacks... are heart-wrenching. I pity CL. Dara coming to the rescue was not predictable. I found CL’s gleeful side very amusing and quirky. Maybe it’s just me. I laughed at the next mission. You have a sense of humour, which I appreciated.  I have complaints whatsoever in this section. Break-ups, as I have stated earlier, are  overrated, but something to like about this one-shot is your creativeness and twists in the break-up. The ending wasn’t something I would’ve expected, so give yourself a pat in the back.

Grammar/Spelling: (18/20) I see that you like to place short Korean phrases in your stories. Don’t do it. It’s sounds ridiculous. Try sounding out the following: “Chukhae!” VS. “Congratulations!” The English phrase sounded more professional and direct to the point, correct? Though yes; the majority of AFF users are Kpop fans and will have no difficulties grasping the meanings of those phrases, but we don’t see authors do that, do we? Unless it is intended, delete it. You’ve almost aced this section if it hadn’t been for that scene with CL talking to Dara. A good variation of vocabulary; no perceptible spelling mistakes. Well done! I can see that you’ve tried to have the story suit your taste as much as possible and I will assume that you’ve edited quite a bit. I applaud you for that.

Flow: (5/5) It was fast-paced, which I liked! Good job.

Enjoyable-ness (5/5): Very amusing and entertaining. I had a fun time reading this! It was honestly a treat for me.

Bonus: (5/5) I’ve give you 5 bonus points for you OSM writing skills! Thumbs-up! Continue to write with clever usage of vocabulary!

Total: 79.5/85 or 94%

Whytheglumface’s Note: Hey hey! Hopefully this review has helped you. *^^* I tried to include some amusement in here to entertain you. C: Anyways, bye for now!