The Vampire’s Romance

Let me start of this review by introducing myself. I’m Whytheglumface, or you can call me Steph. *^^* I’m here to just offer you friendly advice in your story which you’ve humbly requested for me to review. Please do not take any criticisms as an insult, but as an opportunity to improve your story. I apologize in advance if I have offended you in any way.

Title: (5/10) Does your title suit with your story?

In this section, I’m actually quite a bit disappointed. You’ve crafted a phenomenal story; visual-wise and writing-wise. I totally fell in love with your poetry and your graphics. They’re near perfect, which I totally appreciated. I intended on reviewing this story (if only I wasn’t occupied with other requests) earlier since it has captivated me so much. (Let’s not forget that I adore EXO... VERY MUCH.) However, a big chunk of this section is how much a title allures the readers of AFF. I was a bit reluctant on clicking the link, but wow wasn’t I caught-off guard with the amount of effort you’ve placed in your story. I would’ve preferred you spend the time on re-titling your story. I rewarded you points since it concedes with the story after all.

Poster/Background (8.5/10) Comments on the graphics?

You’ve easily achieved a high score this section. I can’t say much since I’m not a graphics expert, but the colors blended in the poster fitted the mood of the story quite nicely, I must say. The fonts were cleverly placed into usage; the rose in BG and the butterfly in the poster were nice finishing touches. The poem excerpt was beautifully written as well. It isn’t blinding, but doesn’t lose its ability to be attractive. However, I must point out that you or the graphic designer has forgotten to place a ‘The’ in the title. Curse Steph and her perceptive eyes! Other than that, nice attempt.

Foreword/Description (19/20) Is the description accurate and give details about the story?

Well, the description was alright. I preferred the cliff hanger in the concluding sentences. The first few sounded so dull and uninteresting. But gladly, your writing style, by a miracle, quickly adjusted and improved. The quotes you used for the character profiles were exceptionally well-written. If you have read my previous blogs/reviews, I detest character profiles. It spills the beans, friend. It’s unnecessary, since you can easily describe them as the story unveils. Please consider deleting them. In this case though, luckily, you didn’t rant on about the character, which is a fine. It’s basically the character’s background, and how it’s important putting together the story. I assumed that it would be the typical character profiles that would continuously and thoroughly describe the character, and in most cases, unimportant. So give yourself a pat in the back well-done. @Se Hun: quote nicely written. It reflects his personality, which is a clever way to inform the readers instead of straightly stating, “a womanizer”. GD’s characterization interested me; maybe due to the fact that you don’t see any detached guys like him around AFF. The Vampire theme is overrated in AFF, though this is my first time reading one. (These are merely opinions of some well-known reviewers.) Personally, I don’t mind it as long as there’s a hook that encourages me to read along. A reader’s interest ultimately changes after the few sentences. So far, you haven’t victimized by this. I suggest that you don’t advertise your previous works, since you’re focussing on this one. Plus, the abrupt font color change was blinding. The excerpt of IU is also well-written. You’re a clever poet, I must say.

Plot:  (29/30) Is it an original plot line? Was the plot clear and easy to understand?

Chapter 1 comments: As expected, the poem is very nicely written. (I at poetry, by the way. You up for some tutoring?) The first few paragraphs, I would assume, is in IU’s perspective. Nice! I liked it. Wow. Se Hun’s dedication to the book is amazing. The excerpt from the book sounded very old-fashioned, which is cool. However, I came to enjoy Se Hun’s thoughts more. He’s very comical and charming in his own way, I guess. “We beat the Kwons.” OHO. I sense some hatred between the families here. I’m as intrigued as Se Hun is in the novel. Hmm, Se Hun must be a vampire then? I imagined some taunting background music when the gramps unveiled the fact that they’re vamps.  The author’s note was also short and sweet, which I appreciated. I came to enjoy this chapter very much. I like fast-paced storylines, so this is DEFINITELY a treat for me. Off to Chapter 2! *skips gleefully*

Chapter 2 comments: Graphic astonished me. Well-done as always, visual-wise. ‘The’ is yet again missing. I’m tear-eyed. Recap: very intelligent excerpt! It’s helpful for those lazy readers like moi. Se Hun really does have a sense of humor. I like him. *applaud for my bold confession* “I’m quite thirsty these days.” I sense some blood shedding here.  As the car stopped, Old Man Park quickly came over to my side and opened the door; Truthfully, every time I'm around with either Old Man Park or those muscular bodyguards sent over my abeoji, I felt like my hands are just useless, doing nothing but crossing over my chests constantly. Got to praise that. – in the fiction- Interesting facts that Se Hun is spurting. Very believable, I must say; and that is something ALL fan-fiction need to possess: believability. At least, they have their inner beauty that us vampires are lacking. I smirked at that line. Last quote: beautifully written. All I’m doing is praising you. You’re noteworthy anyway, so might as well. I squealed over the GIFs you’ve included. This chapter had a good impression on me. Off to Chapter 3.

Chapter 3 comments: I didn’t like the graphic for Chapter 3 as much I did as the previous 2, but I think it’s captivating in its own way. Everything’s based on personal taste anyway. Don’t forget the ‘the’. You’ve included some sense of humor, which keeps readers entertained. Good job for that. Mom?! Dead?! Oh dearie. Se Hun doesn’t seem to be too troubled though. His heart turned icy cold, huh? The third Se Hun Talk first sentence pierced me. Straightforward, but meaningful. The mystery is also hooking; I cannot halt my reading. Brb. URGH!!!!!!" I laughed hysterically. Don’t include that. Not only does that sound ridiculous, but it doesn’t leave the readers the correct impression. Include something like, “A distinct scream escaped his lips....” etc. It sounds more professional. OHO. The last line... Oh my goodness. You must update soon. This is the best EXO fan-fiction out there. And I don’t exaggerate like this; neither do I acknowledge someone else’s accomplishment. I have the ‘The Vampire’s Romance’ Syndrome. The quote, yet again: a good cliff hanger. I feel a rush in my adrenaline. This is jjang; the best I’ve reviewed so far. –clicks the ‘subscribe’ button-

Grammar/Spelling: (18/20) Are there any grammar/spelling mistakes?

Description: when the Kwons, Ji Eun's foster family, decided to go on a family trip to Italy,

she just doesn't want to waste other's money,

Chapter 2:    "Young Master. Though our clan isn't affected by the Sun, 

Minimal errors here and there. It doesn’t excessively affect the flow of the story, which is a breeze.

Enjoyable-ness (5/5) Did I find the story enjoyable?

I think it was pretty obvious that I did, considering the fact that 90% was all Steph fan-girling over your story. Your subscribers are lucky to have a writer like you.

Flow: (5/5) Did the story move too fast or too slow?

Fast-paced, and I LOVE it. Please continue to write with the writing level you are at and just continue writing like this. I see you being a successful individual in the future. (I sound like an old hag, though I’m only a teen.)

Bonus: (5/5) Was the story just great? Anything specific that caught your eye?

As the caption said, the story was just osm. Very phenomenal. I’m going to kidnap your originality. The graphics was just eye-catching, so I did not hesitate to give you bonus marks.

Total: (94.5/105) or 90%

Whytheglumface’s Note: @HNsenpai: SHOOT. I used the wrong rubric. But feature her in Lolly’s main page anyway. She totally deserves to be acknowledged by her work. @Leslie J: I apologize in advance if this review did not point out improvement sections, since it is very near perfection. Hopefully, you won’t see this as a useless review since I’ve spend a bunch of effort in it. Let’s be friends! I sound desperate, but we can like fan-girl over EXO together. I’ve also subscribed. Anyways, have a nice day. Hopefully, this review humoured you quite a bit. This is the highest percent I’ve given anyone, so that might be considered as a compliment. *^^*