Memories of Memories Review
Memories of Memories Review
Title (3.5/5) Does your title fit your story?
For now, I’m quite unsure since I am still quite uncertain as to how the story will unfold. But, as for now, it doesn’t relate to the story AT ALL. Consider changing the title into something more that concedes with the story. It’s is very eye-catching, I must say. So I’ve rewarded you points for that.
Description and Foreword (4.7/5) Is the description accurate and give details about the story?
Trailer: The trailer was alright. It did sum up the entire story, which is the priority of a trailer, so well done in that aspect. Criticisms: 1) Background Music: totally disturbing. Not only did it not set the mood right, but it was hard for me to grasp how NU’EST’s Face complimented the trailer. Not at all. NU’EST is also irrelevant to EXO. I think that if you have chosen EXO’s ‘Baby, Don’t Cry’ or ‘Angel’, it would’ve set the mood perfectly. (It’s quite obvious now that I’m a hardcore EXOtic.)
The trailer, storyline-wise, was quite clichéd and ordinary. No surprise here. A Mary Sue girl having difficulties choosing between two guys: a very typical fan-fiction. Though the excerpts of the trailer were very well-imputed, I found the plot to be disappointing, for I was expecting something more. You have placed a lot of effort creating the fan-fiction as alluring as possible, which was exceptionally well-crafted, but now it’s time to pay attention to the quality of your writing. The trailer sounded more like a biography than a story. Get what I mean? You literally spilled everything to the readers. Yes, I’m quite uncertain who the OC will end up with, but I have already a pretty clear picture of how the story will unfold. And that’s a turn-off for me and the readers. The sole reason of why we read books and such is to unveil the solution of the story. You have placed the problem to the spotlight, which is a thumbs-up. But the reason we pick a particular story is because we have found the description to be very attractive.
Description: The changing fonts did not disturb me at all, which is quite a surprise. I thought it actually was kind of intelligent to change the font color of important key words. It wasn’t blinding, but looked very beautiful. I loved the excerpts you have placed for each character. Well done! Kai’s character especially has made me drawn into him. He’s filled with confidence and swag that it’s very difficult not to find this character amusing. High five! Eun Jae: not so alluring. She’s the typical frightened girl in every single fan-fiction that eventually gets rescued by one of the guys she’s crushing over. Very typical. Try to make her as extraordinary and one-of-a-kind; because hey: the main character is the protagonist that we all adore, agreed? You don’t see these kinds of girls in real life book, do you? Follow the lead of the well-known authors, and you yourself will be known in AFF. Tao himself, I found very... erm, cool. He has that attitude of not minding anyone’s business, which is the complete opposite of Kai. I liked it. The following paragraphs was alright grammar-wise, but I found the questions to be quite overwhelming. Please break them down to 1-2 questions per each paragraph.
Character Profiles: Now, I understand why my fellow reviewers detest character profiles. It spills the beans, friend. The personality of a mere character can be unleashed through the chapters that you write, so it’s not only unnecessary, but also irritating to have the author rant on and on about the character. Personally, I don’t mind characters lists, but character profiles are just a turn-off for me. The wallflower and our main female character in this fic o’ mine. I suggest you don’t imply yourself in your description. It’s an interference at the flow of the story. ...soaking up all of the knowledge it has to offer. Such a great description! You’re very creative. Very clever profiles, I must say. Very alluring. This is the type of writing that many users here in AFF should acknowledge more. The description was very well-crafted; the only thing to take into consideration is to break down the character profiles, or preferably, delete them.
Foreword: The sudden change of font color made me moan in disappointment. You’ve also mentioned that you’re changing the font color as the story progresses: EX. Flashback in grey. –criesinacorner- Please change it! scenes can remain in black; flashbacks can be ‘highlighted’ with italic. I do not see the need of changing font colors repetitively. It’s drives me nuts. Please change it. Other than that, a very noteworthy beginning, I must say. Physical-wise and writing-wise, this is near perfection. Phenomenal. I was in awe as to how much effort you must’ve placed into this fan-fiction.
Spelling and Grammar (6/10) Are there any spelling/grammar mistakes?
Minimal errors.
1) Description: It’s the most sought out school within Korea; millions of applications every year. . Yet, one has the most power above them all He has the money, fame, and fortune; everything anyone dreams about having. Tao: You would see her reading a book every time and if she wasn’t, she was with her best friend Tao. He’s very self-conservative and isn’t outgoing.
2) I’ve noticed that you adore to place ‘~’ in your story. Don’t do it. We don’t see professional authors do that, do we? Follow their example.
3) Chapter 1: “Eunjae, what could you possibly be looking for this early in the morning?” “Ah, yes. He woke up at the crack of dawn, heading down to the lake.” ‘Umma’ and other Korean phrases similar to those lines: please try to avoid them. Try sounding out the following. “Mianhe!” VS. “I’m utterly sorry!” Not only does the English phrase sound very professional, but there is no sense of childishness compared to the Korean phrase. Yes, I’m aware of the fact that most readers of AFF are Kpop fans and that they will have no difficulties grasping the meaning of those phrases, but it’s just writing style-wise. You are a very clever writer, so please consider removing the little phrases.
4) Chapter 1: How can you not be excited?! It’s the most sought out school in Korea and we actually got in. “Yah Huang Zi Tao!” Please include the ‘Zi’ if you intend of having his full name recited. I’ve also noticed how you’ve implied each character’s personality through their actions. This is exactly why profiles are unnecessary.
5) Chapter 2: “Mr. Oh will you please raise your hand?”
6) Chapter 3: I managed to avoid Se Hun, thank God I only have that one class with him, and any other bullies I’ll have to put up with the rest of the year. God, this school is huge. “How may I help you?” “Man! You can walk fast.” Not as exciting, but it may progress faster in the upcoming chapters. Off to Chapter 4.
7) Chapter 4: I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m well-aware of how handsome he is. “I bet all of them are already planning out their fake wedding with you.”
8) Chapter 7: My parents tried to tell her to go back to sleep, but she was never one to obey their rules.
Plot line (11/15) Is it an original plot line? Was the plot easy and clear to understand?
Chapter 1 comments: The background music was a great, clever way of placing the chapter into the proper mood. I wish you have placed this kind of effort in your trailer, but oh well. The point-of-view changes was very intelligent as well. The last phrase was a remarkable of concluding the chapter so well done! Off to Chapter 2.
Chapter 2 comments: Since you must surely be an EXOtic, you must’ve watched their interviews, correct?
According to the interviews that I’ve witnessed, Tao is actually a soft-hearted, sensitive guy, while Kai is very adorkable. Try to base your characters on the attitude they have on interviews/varieties. It’ll be easier for an EXOtic like me to visualize each particular character. The way you’ve also created the gangs is very clichéd; though I appreciate the opposition between the two. Yet, I don’t understand why they are named EXO. Please explain that as well. Interferes with the flow. Other than that, the last phrase is a good cliff hanger. Off to Chapter 3.
Chapter 3 comments: Good description of Kai. I’m having this feeling lurking inside that this is quite the slow-paced fan-fiction, which is somewhat an error. You want to excite the readers to continue reading this fan-fiction through unexpected events. All of the three chapters could’ve been squeezed into one, in my perspective. Off to Chapter 4.
Chapter 4 comments: This must be an everyday life fiction, hmm? I just don’t know. There’s no sense of life at all; therefore, it’s somewhat dull and uninteresting. Put some more unexpected happenings, and this will hella be a remarkable fan-fiction. The last phrase was a good way to boost things up a bit. Off to Chapter 5.
Chapter 5: Slow-paced. Very ordinary story telling of Eun Jae's Day.
Chapter 6 comments: This chapter felt very sly, which totally set the mood right. It felt like a typical drama, which you can accept as a compliment. Hmm, interesting. Off to Chapter 7.
Chapter 7 comments: This reminded me very much of this manga I’ve read once; where a sibling was sold. Hmm, I’m in a suspicion here. Have you just had that as inspiration or did you copy the idea? I’m unsure, I haven’t seen this kind of situation in a fan-fiction before, but I’ll let this pass. This chapter would’ve been set into the mood with Ailee’s ‘Heaven’. (Beautiful, heart-wrenching song, by the way.) Hmm, Kai is actually soft-hearted with a torn past. Interesting.
The story does not have a single originality sprinkled upon it, but since your writing style makes up for it a hundred fold, it can be forgiven. Your writing style is such a clever way to convey the emotions each character has. You have focussed on all three characters, which is a thumbs up.
Flow (2.5/5) Did the story move too fast? Did it move too slowly?
As I have stated before, it’s way too slow-paced. To make it more medium-paced, place each day as one chapter, instead of tearing them apart into separate, individual chapters. Chapter 7 is finally the build-up of the story, so I applaud you for that.
Enjoyable-ness. (4/5) Did you generally enjoy reading the story?
I absolutely enjoyed it. Maybe it’s due to the fact that I’m an EXOtic, or maybe it’s just that I’m a er when it comes to soft-hearted girls like Eun Jae, or maybe of the graphics you’ve placed into use: I’m unaware of the reason. I just came to find it very enjoyable. If you’ve placed just a teeny tiny bit of originality, you would’ve aced this section.
Bonus (6/5) Was the story just great? Anything specific about it that caught your eye? Amazing, I repeat: amazing, jaw-dropping writing style. I envy you for that. The graphics was just immensely awesome. Great job overall. I subscribed to it, by the way. Feel proud. It’s very rare that I subscribe to stories I review, but hey: you are totally worthy of my subscription, correct?
Total: 37.7/50 or 75% (Please make sure I added it up right~)
Whytheglumface’s Note: Hey there! Great job on your story! I apologize in advance if I have offended you in any way. Please continue to write amazingly like this, and I wish you luck on this noteworthy story of yours! Lots of love from a fellow EXOtic.
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