Don’t Let Me Die Alone by Katgirl (Review)

Title: (3/5) Not a very eye-catching title, I’d say. It is relevant to the story, but if you read my previous reviews, a big chunk of the marks is dependent upon how well a title can attract me. Don’t Let Me Die Alone does not convey the angst vibe the character of one-shot has intelligently. I was quite disappointed, for your writing style is exceptionally descriptive.  I would’ve expected you to become a little bit more creative with your titling.

Poster/Background: (3/5) Poster and background were another set of disappointment. Other shops, like my shop “Mokona Modoki” would be happy to provide you with a poster and a background that would be totally effective when making a good impression in the readers of AFF. Feel free to request. Let’s put a halt to my advertising, shall we? The poster was a little dull and uninteresting. Though, yes, the poster and the background is not the core of how well a story is written, but it is CRUCIAL to imput a poster that will make a good impression to the readers.

Description and foreword:  (5/5) Very well done! I can’t emphasize it enough. Descriptive words were used; I was able to visualize a clear picture. You’ve set the mood exceptionally, and have pasted an excerpt from your story, which is very clever of you. Very beautiful way of unveiling a story. I was quite saddened by the fact that the identity of the soldier was not revealed at the course of the story line. There’s a part of me that desired for the character to have identity, while the remaining half didn’t bother about it due to the hook I was in. I was totally captivated by the description, and wanted to read on to unleash the remaining details of the plot. And that’s exactly what you need to spark the interests of the readers.

Plots: (4/10) Though I appreciated your originality, the story was quite a bit of a jumble mess, in my perspective. You stated at the conclusion of the story that the soldier has kept the remaining token of Hana, yet the diary literally stated that she has already bid farewell to this world of ours. So how exactly did she receive the opportunity to write that? In my opinion, a journal is written after the happenings of a day, not while they are currently taking place. This one-shot was quite difficult for me to grasp, for I’m perceptive to small details and this disturbed the flow of the story excessively. I raised my eyebrow at the “guardian angel” section. You have not fully explained what Myung Soo was doing beside Hana in the first place, so this may be a turn-off for readers. I found Hana’s characterization quite tedious. She seemingly is the typical cold-but-soft-in-the-inside high school themed girl. Criticisms don’t dodge Myung Soo as well. He seems to be, yet again, a typical guy every fan girl would hope for their aspired idols to be. Please take your time to draft out the characters of your stories. The zombies’ motive was VERY unclear. Why did they want to devour Hana? Though it is quite obvious that’s what a zombie’s goals should be, but it is very ordinary to find those in horror-themed stories, while yours isn’t. Please try to give a short character profile in your description. It will help clear up SOME misunderstandings. I found your story very original, though. Not many stories in AFF are based on war settings, so I appreciated that about this one shot.

Grammar/spelling: (15/20) Minimal errors there. In your foreword, first sentence, please correct the following: SOLDIER. Don’t misspell that. Please put commas after each quotations. EX: “I haven’t done anything,” Myung Soo uttered in a defending tone. I had to deduct marks for the repetitive mistakes you had with your commas. Other than that, I haven’t noticed any grammar mistakes, which is a breeze.

Font: (4/5) Great use of font. It was not disturbing, so well done. I would’ve preferred that you use italics for the journal entry, so I had to dock you a mark for that.

Writing style: (20/20) Good use of your vocabulary. I envy you for your writing abilities. I joke. But seriously, I do. Totally loved the words you used in order to convey the situation, so I found that very enjoyable about the story. Very few writers here in AFF are able to achieve a high vocabulary use of words like you, so give yourself a pat in the back for a job well done.

Overall: (20/20)  I came to enjoy this story very much, so I cannot resist to give you a perfect.

Bonus: (10/10) Your description is one of a kind. I totally found engrossing about the one shot. I cannot help but praise you for that. Please continue to write well-constructed descriptions like this!

Total marks: (84/100)

Reviewer’s Note: Hey there! Hope this review will improve your story. I hope I didn’t offend, though I tend to be straight-forward. JFeel free to drop by my wall. Please do. *^^* I’d love to be acquaintances with you. :3 Have a good day!