Hi! I'm tomyidol. I'm using my phone making this blog now. I know that was the most uninteresting thing you've ever read. But who cares?! No one would probably read this. But I just wanted to 'type' about my thoughts right now. And then when I'm done making this, I'm sure I'd think twice if I should post it at all. Sigh. Well this . I'm typing really quickly but the letters show up on the screen like really a second late. Sigh again. I'm boring you ain't I? That's not new at all, you know? I find myself boring sometimes, when I really think about it, I see the past years of my life as boring. Not that I'm complaining, or I'm unhappy. Not at all. I liked it that way. Its just that I'm always on the safe side. Sometimes I think I should cross the street without looking. Not literally. But I'm afraid to do so. Very. I think I'm a big liar when I told my friend that I wasn't afraid of death, because I already came near it some time ago. I thought I wasn't afraid at that time, atleast. Aigoo. Am I not making sense? Okay, I'm in my second year in college now. Its summer semester and its regular for my course to take it. But I'm not enrolled in the same subjects as my former classmates. Because I failed a major subject last sem. There I said it, my real problem. Well, part of it I guess. Boring right? Aigo0, I'm such a good girly. Hmf. So about it, I don't know how the heck i failled! Lying. Heres my list of possible reasons: i'm to0 addhcted to kpop, i'm not doing my best in school, i'm not interested. Scratch the two first reasons because I really think its the third one. I didn't want to give much thought on it, because I did not want to believe it. But it keeps passing by my mind everytime I have to study or do an assignment on the subject. I know, I know, its like a lame excuse for being lazy. Haha. I don't know what to think anymore. Because theres something in me that says, this ain't the right track girl! But where? And how? Wheres the right way to go? And how can I ever leave this decision I made and I chose from the beginning? I feel so stupid, heck I failed a subject so maybe I am. Huhu. I feel so confused. I really can't see myself doing what job in the future. All I know is that if theres something I want to do all day and not get sick of, that would be dancing and singing. But both skills frustrate me. I get compliments whenever I do both but, what I've heard before from the more important critics have left a scar on me and made me less confident. But whenever I watch others perform I say, I can do that or I'm better. Haha. Aiyo0. I'm just weird. And then there's my parents, they never scolded me for failing because they saw how hard I worked for the least I achieved. But everytime I look at them these days, I know their upset and very disappointed. I've always hated being compared, who doesn't right? And its true that my parents would unporpusely compare me to others even in the past when I was still doing good, imagine how I feel now when they do that. I'm not mad at them, I'm more mad at myself. How could I let this happen? At first I drowned myself in tears at night in self pity. But whatever. Imma end this here. Thanks for reading.