Wedding Bells

(Since this is a one-shot, I created a short but sweet review for you.)

Title: (5/5) Very nicely done! Not only does it sum up your one-short fan-fiction, but is also very eye- catching! It is very rare that I would offer someone full marks for a title (Truthfully, this is merely my second time reviewing), but it is very difficult not to do so! Well done!

Poster/Background: (4/5) Your story poster and background is actually designed very romantically that it undeniably concedes with the story. I would’ve preferred G-Dragon to wear a more formal attire for a wedding though. That’s just me. The font used was very “lacy-like”; very impressive. The quote you placed was an intelligent way to sum up your story, so well done! But let me tell you: It was very confusing and difficult to process that into my head at first, but it encouraged me to skim down your foreword and your upcoming final chapter. A hook is a necessity in order to allure more readers in, and that quote was exactly what was needed.

Description and foreword: (4/5) The excerpted poem you placed sums up your story. It was beautifully written. It’s impossible NOT to compliment it. (I’m starting to have a feeling that others who read this might have the misconception of me biasing to your stories.) What I do have to criticize, though, is the concept of the story. Marriages are extremely over-rated in AFF; thus, I deducted marks for that. Don’t worry: even I myself have trouble for including this idea into my stories. (I’m a writer as well, but I’m starting to have the impression that reviewing other people’s stories is more enjoyable.) The foreword was done very well; though I would have preferred you sticking with black as a font color and using italics. But since this is only done once, I can’t really complain and nag that I usually would.

Plots: (9.5/10) Okay, get ready for a fan-girl scream: WAA! Such an unexpected ending, I must say. Very well-done!  I would have preferred that you don’t use caps to indicate a particular character screaming. EX: “NOOOO!” <= Incorrect. “No!” <= Correct. It is more professional-sounding and will have more effect on the readers themselves.

Grammar/spelling: (12.5/20) Before any disappointed reactions, I must put this out there: your vocabulary was impeccable. Very wise, descriptive words; almost no perceptible capitalization errors (though some punctuation errors). Well done. Here comes the bad news: you used some short Korean phrases. EX: “Chukhae, unnie.” Now, compare that to the upcoming phrase: “Congratulations, Dara!” Do you see a difference? Try sounding it out loud. The English phrase had a more lively, realistic tone that came along with it; while the Korean phrase sounds… quite silly. Yes, I know. The majority of AFF readers are Kpop fans, so they won’t have any difficulties grasping the short Korean phases you used whatsoever, but keeping away from phrases such as ‘unnie’ oppa’ etc. would definitely improve your “writing vibe”.

Font: (4/5) As I have mentioned earlier, your unexpected font color change in the foreword surprised me, and I didn’t quite find it suiting to my taste. But other that, great use of font!

Writing style: (15/20) I loved them for respecting us and our decision. To me, that sounded quite a bit awkward. Please delete it. There were times where it sounded as if Dara knew what the others were thinking, so I deducted marks for that. Writing in first person has its own advantages and disadvantages, and this is one of those unfavorable ones. Another thing I noticed: you used GD’s real name in the story, yet, confusingly, you didn’t imput TOP’s “real” name in the story. I raised an eyebrow regarding about that and was caught-off guard. Bom and Se7en are not an exception. A suggestion to fix this: create a character list in the foreword. That would help.

Overall: (20/20) The following rant will be written in Whytheglumface fan-girling on your story. In 3, 2, 1. Totally, immensely loved it! Though I felt that the marriage portion is quite clichéd, your amazing ability to unveil a story makes up for it.  It is my second time reviewing, but it’s my first reviewing a one-shot. I found it totally enjoyable to read. As much as I sound strict and harsh, I actually have a soft-spot when it comes to the Dara and GD coupling. (though I detest you for pairing Dara with T.O.P. I joke.)

Bonus: (9/10) I found your poem in the foreword very heart-warming (or wrenching?) so I JUST had to give you bonus marks.  Plus, the last line made me on the verge of tears. I re-read the last few lines over and over again, unable to accept the reality of this particular marriage. I absolute did not expect an ending like “Wedding Bells”. Have you ever had that experience when you read a book/fan-fiction first few pages, and you automatically have a sort-of an image of how it will unfold? At first, this was my impression of your one-shot, but as the ending slowly approached, the conclusion made me appreciate your story a lot more that what I had expected. Phew! Hadn’t I used “unexpected” numerous times throughout this review? I officially have the “Wedding Bells” syndrome. Be proud, MissTangerine. This is a momentous moment for you.

Total marks: (83/100)

Whytheglumface’s note: I would love to be acquaintances with you! Maybe even co-author? :3 Though you sound more professional writing-wise. That’s about it! Feel free to drop by my wall! I want to be friends with you! (I sound so desperate.) xD Buh-bye!