RandomThoughts...
Here are some random things I've been thinking about...
These days, I've been wondering a lot on how I could improve my writing and how I can get enough motivation to be able to continuously update my multi-chaptered fic. Sometimes, I think 'do I have ADHD?'. ADHD wouldn't be too bad I guess but I like my current state of insane thinking. Then I remember, the reason why I fail at these is my over-flowing crave for other fic ideas that aren't related to it! Hm... how will I maintain my focus with these stuff? I have considered asking other people but... I feel that I'd probably just bother them anyway. Aigo... how stupid can I get?!
Also, I've been thinking about my excessive ideas for tragedy, drama and angst fics. Am I suicidal? Am I a sadist? Heck, am I suffering from a disorder which makes you think of too much sadness?! Well, I still don't know though... I also get ideas for killing a character. Not the murder type though, just suicidal or accidentally. I make practical reasons for the suicidal part! It's not that I'm a killer type of person or I want to kill people. I guess, its just my fascination with what happens when sadness takes over.
That is something that I am also worried about; my obsession with the turn abouts in someone's life once they face this stage of life. I ask myself, will they succumb to the unclear need to end it all? Or will they find hope and carry on? How will they carry on? How will they end it? It's all in my head. Sometimes, my mom asks me why most of my creations are drama or tragedy. You know what I say? I say 'Simply because.' And that would be it. I must've been dropped when I was a baby... or maybe like thrown out the window and miraculously lived.
Here's another thing I think about in my writing. Why can't a make a romantic ending? Like, why can't I make the characters share a kiss? Why can't I seem to play a greasy character fully? It seems that whenever I write something romantic, I get goosebumps and I dread what I will write. When I read though, everything's fine! Maybe, I'm too naive? Maybe, I'm too innocent (yea, right)? Or maybe since I'm still young. I cna't seem to get it though. The farthest I've let the characters go is a peck on the cheek (it's in this fic). Yes, a peck. It isn't even a kiss. And hell, its on the cheek! I get very annoyed with myself. Sometimes I get disappointed and I would scold myself. Aish! Why am I such a fail?!
Someting I can't also seem to grasp the idea of is how writers could get hundreds of subscribers and be all confident and cool about updating and writing. Because if I were the writer and I got like 30 subscribers to one story that isn't an apply fic, I'd start getting paranoid. I'll over think and be all crazy. Heck! Just on my fic Doll House (which has like 11 subscribers even though it's a oneshot), I go crazy and paranoid on what the people would think of my sequel or other fics. With Live Laugh Love, I'd be fine having like 20 or 30 since it is a multi-chapter fic, but to have hundreds! I would be so scared! Honestly, I'd be honored to have so many subscribers on one story, but it scares me. I don't mind but it scares me. I just really need to point that out.
For now, I think that's everything. I'll be starting putting my thoughts into blogs now. XD It won't only be about writing but I'll also include daily stuff that I think about.
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