There's something inside me. I think it's the same for everyone. It's a monster. It's called jealously. I don't mean to take it out on people. It just happens. It's like something I can't control. It's not suppose to show. It's like it's giving me a bad image. Not that I can take but some do. That monster is manipulating everything. It's like I'm it's puppet. And that it the master. I'm practically being functuned by its' strings. Manipulating myself.

My brain is letting me do this to myself. Society looks at me and see the bad side of me. But I can't stop that monster. It's taking over. I tell it to stop but my brain doesn't cooperate. I can't let go of it. It's suffocating me and it has an amazing, strong grip that I can't over power. It's as if it was suppose to happen. This monster. Why did you come? You're going to ruin me.

It's comsuming me. Controlling me. Continuesly doing things on its' own. It's too late to back away now. The Monster called Jealously has won. I have no more control unless there is little hope now. Very little hope. I'm on the edge, the limit of the line. If only. If only I can help myself. It's something I have to win over again.