so after posts after posts of bigbang, here comes something boring personal again...

I have this senior from high school, we were quite close, my friend had a crush on him and I think he did too, so we were connected because our circles met, but that was it. So their feelings toward each other was mutual, but then they drifted apart because nobody was ready to be in a relationship yet. We were only bunch of little kids running around in uniform anyways, like... what.. fifteen year old? Yeah... anyways, their relationship ended just like that, before anything even started. But everyone's cool about it.

So me and this senior, I don't think we're really close now, but we do keep in contact once in a while via twitter and other social media, I mean... we're friends, right?

Few days ago he texted me asking what does "deteste" mean in french, so I answered him that it meant "hate" well, basically that was all. We didn't really converse.

And today he texted me again asking, "what about I love you?"

So of course I answered him, "Man, that's famous! It's Je t'aime of course!"

Well... he surprised me by replying "Uh... I'm not asking about the french translation, I'm asking about it for real..."

oh. snap!

---

Now, it's not that I don't like him, no, I do like him. But for him to fall for me? That's like... was he abducted by the aliens? Was someone brainwashed him? Was he kidding me? Was he joking? Was it april's fool joke? Was it april already?

You see, when someone is liking you, usually you can tell and feel it so you can decide what to do next about it. But this? This is totally unexpected, and  have mixed feeling about this.

For once, once in my lifetime, this is the first time I feel that someone who likes me is too good for me. I am one with overflowing confidence, so when there's a guy take a liking in me I will think, is he good enough? Can he cope up with me? Is he up to my standard? but this guy... man, he's not even in my list! This senior is no joke. He was the head of our student council back then, kindhearted, smart, funny, religious (my mom will surely love him) blah blah blah I can't even finish the list...

I never even intend to make him fall for me, never, not ever. I never even imagined about it. Because I knew my limit, because I knew he was someone out of my league. So we went on casually and I never, never flirted on him, never even tried to flirt on him. Because I knew he wouldn't buy it (or so I thought). 

I don't want to reject him, I want to consider him. For the sole reason, I know he will make me a better person. But somewhere deep inside me, I am afraid, what if I am not good enough for him?

did I just hit the jackpot?