Hi! I'm not sure whether someone is going to read this, but I'm just gonna dump this right here (instead of dumping this to my peers and overwhelm them with this side of me haha).

Trigger warning: some mentions of mental health and suicide.

I have been a fan of EXO since their predebut teaser era (and that's 11 years ago! sheesh). Kai really enticed me with his dancing skills, but what also got me hooked was the song, especially the line 🎶녹아버린 쇼콜라떼🎶. Ever since then, I kept myself up to date, from show appearances to performances, I was quick to catch insider leaks on their schedules on twitter (it was not that easy back then). 

During this time, I had some personal issues I had to deal with which was too much for a teenager, but EXO was what got me motivated and kept me away from negative thoughts. It was also my first year in college with a course I wasn't sure I wanted. I would not eat much just so I could save money to buy albums and merch. Every after class, I would do my usual fangirl stuff online and read some dirty fanfic haha. 

Not gonna dive into details, but years after, the things I experienced at home were starting to get worse and there were announcement after announcement of members leaving the group. My mental health was already declining until my mother said something that triggered me. I snapped that day and tried to commit suicide, but my sister called my mom and they stopped that from happening. My mom didn't actually say something motivational to stop me from committing suicide, but it was disappointing and painful enough to kill me inside.

Ever since that day, I didn't have the energy to fan girl like I used to. However, I still tried to keep myself up to date with EXO's music, which was the only thing that got me motivated enough to get out of my bed. 

Later on, I realized I wanted to study a different course and hustled to save money for the university I wanted to get into, but this time, I didn't have the time and money for fan girling. It was then I saw a tweet of someone who went to a fansign event and Kai told them to focus on their studies and meet them (EXO) proudly in the future. Hence, I did that as well.

Years later, I was able to study in that university, but because of limited finances, I didn't have enough access to the internet. And videos took up a lot of data. The last era that I was able to almost fully fangirl was their Monster Era. But even after that, I would occasionally listen to their music.

Fast forward to the present, I actually graduated the course I wanted and I'm currently working as a Graphic Designer (I guess creating all those fan girl edits helped me discover that this was an actual skill I get paid for lol). Also, I got married to a very supportive husband whom I met at work. I wasn't that interested in him since he looked like a typical straight guy who would call Kpop "gay", until he mentioned that he actually listens to Kpop. Ever since then, we vibed until we got married haha

Anyway, it may not be the type of "happy ending" I wanted, but it's a better turn of events compared to before.

ALSO, I finally have the time and enough money to fan girl 🥹

(husband supports me on this, in case you're wondering haha)