PERSONALITY

Ravenclaw, INFJ, Savior complex

Sooyeon wears a mask. She acts like everything is alright and that nothing bothers her, that she is fierceless, but she is very vulnerable. She likes like a happy, confident and fearless woman, but deep inside she is broken. She lifted her walls with ice bricks and she nevers lets her guard down. She doesn't get attached to people, even when meeting people and "befriending them". She is afraid of being abandonned, hurt or worse, betrayed. Therefore, even though she smiles now (something she didn't use to do when she was in highschool) she might be in pain. She is broken and lost and she feels that no one can fix her. She has a terrible self esteem and believes she is useless. The only time she doesn't feel useless is when she is helping someone, one of the big reasons why she is so good in her job (even though she became workaholic). She feels that she must help people, fix their problems and "save them" and she isn't able to do so, she is useless. She doesn't speak about herself or her life, her problems. She doesn't believe in love, what's the use of it? It only breaks people's hearts and it won't be any good. She is lonely, she has no one. Sooyeon is quite inteligent, kind and warm person and really cares a lot for those she like, but she believes that's actually a weakness. She is a perfectionist and to her nothing is good, and always needs fixing or improvement. She lets her rational side always win against her emotions, and closes herself emotionally. She is unpredictable. She is very determined and never gives up until she literally tried everything. When someone yells at her or when she doesn't like the way they are speaking to her (either laughing at her, being mean or giving her orders) she would straightforwardly reply her mind, and would have no problem using sarcasm. However, when those words hurt her, she does not show it, showing her that she is confident, even though she is a mess. When she is on her element and is comfortable around people (especially her brother), she can be stubborn, a bit childish and funny. She will protect those she love, she would listen, try to brighten them and since she is selfless, she would forget her own problems in order to help others when they need.


BACKGROUND

If anyone says that Sooyeon had an easy childhood, they are mistaken. Her parents had a lot of financial problems and even her younger brother was ill, yet they couldn't afford to may the hospital bills. Therefore, while most teenagers were focused on studying or playing around with their friends, Sooyeon was studying during classes and afterwards she would do double shifts at part-time jobs to help her parents with the bills. Between school and work, Sooyeon had to also spend a lot of time at the hospital to spend some time with her little brother. She was constantly tired, yet she had no time to rest. Other kids could think about university, but she couldn't, her parents couldn't afford to send her to university and pay for her brother's treatment, thus, althought she was good at studying, she knew she had no future.

Sooyeon hadn't the time to socialize, what would that even do to her? Would it pay for her food? Help her brother? She was a loner wolf and honestly, she couldn't care less. Until one day, a ray of sunshine smilled towards her, Kim Taehyung. He wasn't like the rest of their colleagues, he tried to approach the unapproachable girl and even offered her candy. It is true that food can buy you. Taehyung was the light of Sooyeon and he wasn't alone, Nakwon, a shy girl, also befriended her and for the first time Sooyeon realised she wasn't alone. But of course happiness couldn't last long. Her brother was getting worse and the treatment was expensive. Sooyeon never wanted to bother her friends, so she kept her personal life hidden from everyone, or so she thought. Apparently Taehyung and Nakwon knew, as they one day visisted the little boy and made him laugh, something Sooyeon hasn't see for a very long time.

Since she spend a lot of her free time in the hospital, she met a lot of doctors there and also was able to interact with patients and even help nurses. Luckily for Sooyeon, a doctor in the hospital realised that despite her family couldn't afford sending her to university, it would be a waste to loose such an intelligent and skillful brilliant mind, and told her about an university scholarship in Seoul and that the hospital there could also help her brother with their innovative technology and experts. With that in mind, Sooyeon studied more than ever, having ranked as the top of her school. After hearing that she got the scholarship and that she needed to move, she felt like she couldn't tell goodbye to her friends, and without saying anything, she moved out of town. That definitively left a big scar in her friends. She got into medical school and helped her brother and by the time the story starts, she finished her course and is now taking her residency. She decides to take vacations as she is struggling more and more with anxiety.

DAILY LIFE

Sooyeon's life is quite boring. She has her hospital shifts: Sooyeon does her round to visit the patients, then she helps in the ICU, or any doctor that needs her help, and afterwards she rests. After finishing her shift, she goes to the continuous care for hospitalized patients to visit her brother. Since her life is 99% at the hospital, and she might have night or day shifts and doesn't quite rest, her life is boring and a lot stressful, since she doesn't have any real friends.

introduce yourself. 
"Hi, I'm Sooyeon. I'm 24 years old"

describe your current lifestyle.
Sooyeon forced a smiled and acted like everything was alright in her life without actually answering the question "I'm a doctor, I save lives, what else would make me happy?". She held the hem of her skirt and smiled again "I live in Seoul in a rented room near the hospital, my parents and brother are also in town".

how do you deal when life gets hard, if indeed you do? 
"My life is fine as it is. When I have a hard time, of course I must breath deep and id needed rely on people". Sooyeon once again showed a smile trying to hide her true self, she is alone, she never asks help and she believes no one is there for her, so she can only trust herself.

if you're comfortable, share a little about those hardships. 
"Hardships? I admit working in a hospital might be stressful, but nothing that one can't manage". Sooyeon let a loud laugh, as if what she said was just a joke and indeed it was a joke for her, something she had to mentalise. But she was far from being fine. She had everything under her shoulders: her patients, her brother, her parents worried about paying the bills and treatments (she pays for her brother's treatments, and gives a part of her salary to her parents), her anxiety, her trust issues, her vulnerability, the fact that she feels useless (unless when she is helping someone), being alone in the world and not having anyone for her.

what's one characteristic of yours that you wouldn't want your child to inherit? 
"I never thought about that to be honest". Sooyeon never thought about if she would ever be able to bring a child into this world. While her motherly instincts say she would, she is afraid of neglecting the kid or being a bad mother, not being able to help when the child needed the most. She would like to be the child's hero and offer love, but she herself doesn't even know what love is. She just don't want the child to be weak, ugly, lonely and useless like she is.

do you miss high school? what's one of your favorite memories?
For the first time Sooyeon smiled genuinely "Yes. It was a good time indeed". To her memory came the time Taehyung and Nakwon visited her brother and everytime they tried not to let her feel alone. She also remembered when Taehyung challenged her into a game she doesn't even remember what and they were running in a grass field, barefoot, until it was a beautiful sunset. Afterwards she saw fireflies and the beautiful sky filled with starts. That was the time Sooyeon felt freedom for the first time.

what's one thing you wish you knew back then? 
Sooyeon held her skirt tightly and without realising she let her thoughts escape her mind "Don't get attached". If she knew she would be alone again, it would be better if she had never something to lose to begin with (or that's what her mind was trying to convince her).

how do you feel about the reunion? what was your reaction to the letter? how are you handling logistics? 
"I need a vacation" As hard as it is to admit, Sooyeon is almost burning out and she needs a bit of freedom in her life. Perhaps seeing the people she used to know for several years wouldn't hurt, if that meant that she could actually feel less burdened from her environment at this right moment. However, she has a lot of explanations to do, they must be super angry at her, but she isn't yet able to share her pain.

what will you be looking forward to the most if you do accept the invitation? 
"Freedom" That was the only word that came out from as a pray. She wasn't sure if her old highchool mates still saw her as a friend, if they forgave her or not, but all she needs right now is to run, or she doesn't know what craziness she might do.

thank you for your time. hope you can come out to the reunion!  will you be gracing us with your presence? sure hope so!