The purpose of why I'm writing this is to serve as a reminder to the future me. All the blogs I've written on this website have, in some ways, touched my heart and my soul whenever I go back to them. I hope to achieve the same effect as I write this open letter to my future self. 

First, I'd like to talk about where I am right now in my life. Today is November 19, and I am now a freshman in college. It's been seven years since I first came across this website and became a K-pop fan in general. I just finished Produce 101 Season 2 and I regret not watching it when it came out. I became attached to the trainees and it was honestly so heartbreaking. Produce 101 S2 reminded me of why I loved K-pop in the first place. 

K-pop is what I grew up with. As the younger me, K-pop was just so magical. There were no words to describe it but magic. It offered an escape to the bitter realities of life. As a child, I guess I always felt dissatisfied with what I had. Thankfully, as I grew up, I became a more grateful person and learned to live with the unfairness of life. K-pop is about making dreams come true, and Produce 101 was largely about that. It was heartwarming and inspiring to see the trainees working so hard to achieve their dreams of debuting. 

Watching it reminded me of why I loved K-pop in the first place. K-pop urged me to achieve my dreams. And at that time, as the innocent, naive, me, my dreams were to simply meet my idols. I've accomplished some of that for most of the past few years, and for that, I am happy. I am satisfied. I am proud of myself. K-pop urged me to get into the university I am in now, and while university life is difficult, I am thankful. 

The realities of life are quite vicious. It is difficult to escape these bitter realities as I am both a political science student and an aspiring college debater. It is necessary to be exposed to the incompetencies of the government, with the savageness of humans towards each other. I don't deem it to be personally essential to be disenchanted with what's happening with the world in general. There needs to be awareness to address social inequalities in our lives. We can't be living a comfortable life while others are suffering without batting an eye to the things that we can do. 

This year was such a tragic year for my country. The government's handling of the pandemic is so bad that I am spending all my first year in university through a remote online learning setup. While it's certainly disappointing that I don't get to move to the city and live my K-pop dreams of running K-pop fanbases and going to concerts, I'm just grateful that I am safe at home and that I can spend another year with my family. Also, right now, I'm using the free time that I have to set up a business and generate income. 

Honestly, I'm glad K-pop is there to offer as an escape. Fan culture isn't just about listening to music, but also loving the idols for their personality and warmth. Speaking of warmth, my heart was really warmed by some trainees during PD101. To my future self, please fall in love with men who are like Jung Sewoon and Im Youngmin. They have such a calm and warming character, who are really selfless and self-sacrificing, but they are unafraid to speak up their mind with caution and will not take any thrown at them. 

So far, your taste in real life men hasn't been the best. We know that for a fact. Thankfully, you haven't truly dated anyone and so, you have little to no experience in reality. You have this mindset of settling with whoever is available. But please, do not do that. Do not sell yourself short. If it comes to it, you will live a single life but you will live well. Achieve all your dreams first. Help your parents in finishing the house. Generate good, ethical income. Continue what you are doing of being grateful and happy every day. 

Honestly, Im Youngmin really captured my heart. He was a warmer person than most and I've already been such a huge fan of him from debuting as AB6IX since last year. He was my favorite of all the members and it broke my heart to read of everything that has happened in his career. From the dating scandals to the penalty he received for allegedly cheating, this all contributed to him not making it into the Final 11. He honestly had so much potential and he had the skills to show for it. 

Thankfully, he debuted as the leader of AB6IX but it was only short-lived. Just May this year, he was caught drunk driving and got his license revoked. Shortly after that, he left the group and the agency. It's such a shame, really. AB6IX was already taking off. Unfortunately, before I am a K-pop fan, I am first a human being. Drunk driving is a crime and it is one of the most selfish things to do. If someone were in the wrong place at the wrong time, a life could have been lost. While I will never excuse him for what he did, because there are certainly no excuses, I will forever hold him dear to my heart. 

Youngmin-ah, live well. Even if it's not what you want to do, live well. 

I consider myself quite old as a K-pop fan and have been exposed to the culture surrounding it. I'm aware that Kfans can be vicious at times, and they hold their idols to a different standard. It's cut-throat. You have to have a clean track record, have no dating standard, and just be an overall good person. From my perspective, it makes sense. An idol is someone you look up to. An idol is someone held in high esteem. Nobody wants an idol who has also committed a crime. Nobody wants an idol who isn't a good role model for the youth.

It's a bit illogical for me to be a K-pop fan and be interested in politics at the same time. It's a bit contradictory but also it kinda makes sense if I put my mind to it. Because I love politics and am passionate about it, I need to love K-pop to not go insane (lol).

Go back to K-pop every once in a while when you start getting lost in the labyrinth of life once again. Love, be happy, enjoy your life. It is short but it is amazing.