Good day everyone~

How's your day? wish you have a splendid days although you might be just spend it in your house due to the quarantine.. but let's hope everything will be okay again so we can continue our usual activity normally.

anyway.. everytime i came here, writing in this blog.. yall probably know why.. yea i got tons of feelings stacked up in my head and i don't know where to rant.

You see.. i'm amazed by how human brain could work. It could make tons of scene that probably never happen.. it also could make us imagine to hurt ourself and we could feel the pain. yea i did those a lot and it just amazed me how brain could do that. like i imagine i punch my face hard, and i can immediately feel the pain from my cheek, to eyes, and then go straight to my head. intresting right?

Well.. sadness indeed come and go. i was fine few weeks ago, but then it came back again. tried to talk about it with my friends, since they said that they'll be by my side and i could text them if i want to rant about something. but guess what? another empty lies. really.. people should control what they're saying. don't promise thing that you probably couldn't do. they probably didn't feel a . like they might not even realized they made a mistake.. meanwhile.. i'm the one who dearly hold on to those words like that's the only thing i could live with.. yet found out that those are another 'fake pill' to cure myself.

due to all of those . i decided to cut my ties with them. not really like completely erased them outta my life. but i'll just treat them like i treat others. normal acquaintance. won't share any of my secrets, won't share any of my thoughts. i mean.. They've been treating me like that since the first time we become friends.. so why not give them the same treatment right?

I wanna feel loved and needed.. but i guess i won't find it with them and probably will never find it. oh yea i could start it with my ownself.. trying to love myself more. and well.. i hope i could love myself more after i cut my ties with them.. 

running away from them, doesn't mean i will run away from my struggle.. 

Maybe none of you want to know this but after this whole virus thingy done, imma go meet psyhcologist. not like i want them to diagnose me or something. as i said in my previous post.. i don't have mental ilness. but i want to talk with them.. like maybe they could help by giving advices for me to deal with all things i'm scared of. or maybe they could also help me on finding my reason for live and my worth. and probably could also show me the way to start loving myself... i don't know i probably expect too much but i guess that what professionals could do right?

as usual.. i'm rambling nonsense again but yea i just want to say that i'm not in the greatest mood these days...

Wait it doesn't mean i won't post anything or go on hiatus again.. its indeed hard for me to write some fluff while feeling so damn angst.. but i have my own way to bring up the mood with of course.. listening to TWICE whole discography. yes it helps a lot.. i mean.. how could you feel sad when a song like heart shaker appear? or likey? or DTNA? yes or yes? just hearing the intro, all i want to do is bounce here and there. so yea. that's how i usually try to lift up my mood 

oh well..that's enough of my rambling hahaha..

To everyone that a little bit feel uncomfortable in house due to quarantine, let's hang in there together okay. if you bored, you can like mention me at twitter and asked me to write some short story or anything. i don't really mind~

And let's believe together that this shall pass..

Stay healthy and stay safe everyone ^^