Well.. hi..

Most of people that read my story know that i decided to take a break from writing due to the devestated news since few days ago..

this news affacted me so much, not just because i'm a MeU since 2009, but also because i'm currently struggling.. well.. i'm a kamilia too and maybe some of you know the news about hara who nearly did the same thing but glad she still could be save. and i was went through that kind of thought too for countless time so.. seeing this news keep coming again and again kinda trigged me. don't know why..

i'm not saying i have mental illness.. i don't think i could stated myself like that because i'm not as severe as other people who's struggling with it. i'm just.. struggling with myself. yea.. i think that's the best word i could state.

I have tons of nonesense insecurities and anxiousness. well. that's normal right? everyone felt that too.. i won't really state what kind of insecurites i have because well..it's plenty. even writing this, and making story...

And well.. other than that, i always feel lonely and not wanted. i have friends.. but.. i don't know they seems not really think me as their friend? i always left out especially about personal problems.. okay this may look childish.. but imagine if you are in a circle of friend, and you are the only one who didn't know .. but well there still tons of thing that made me felt unwanted..

and i also have problem in my family.. i don't have to say it but well.. it's not as happy as it looks like. myb once or twice i will make a joke about my mom/dad in twitter.. but it was just when they decided not to fight. lol they bickered a lot.

so.. i feel empty inside my house, don't have anyone there for me outside my house.. so... writing is my gateaway. but still... when sad things like this happened.. i can't produce anything and just feel like ...

lol i don't know why i even write this... and i don't even know this blog even have a structered words or not because i just randomly type what inside my head.. i need place to like voice it out because i don't have friends that really listen, i don't even want to talk about this with my parents.. so.. yea.

i'm sorry for posting a negative content like this.. but let's hope i can fresh up my mind soon.. and to everyone who's struggling, we can do it.

See you guys soon ^^