Hey.

Its been a long day ahead, for everyone. We are inching closer to 2020 in just one month and I don’t know if I should feel happy about that. Like I cannot guarantee that I will found my happiness by next year  ut well, we are just a human. Life must go on and never stops.

So, I don’t really have anyone to talk to. I make a decision to write all of my pent up feeling at here instead talking to somebody close to me; people are too judgemental and quick making an unexpected conclusions.

Works are all fine; nothing to ing about. Just here and there. Easy fix.

And, romance? Yes, that’s something.

I know a guy back in June (online platform because I’m at making new friends at real life) Through Ask.fm to be precise. He sent a shouout to public and his shoutout is happened to fall in my notification. I was bored and I am great in making friends in social medias so why not? It just a shoutout and then, everything will be back to normal, supposed to be.

“Fill up your number here.” – his shoutout

Trust me, I have played Ask.fm from 2014 till now and I know shoutout doesn’t mean anything trusty. Those people are just bored and never meant anything. I am thinking that this shoutout is just the usual shoutout where else I replied but never get any replied afterward... And guess what?

I did fill up my phone number in there; but with one number is missing.

2 minutes later, I received a reply. And it was him;

“But the number is missing one digit.”

I am definitely stupid.

“I know. It was your job to get the one letter if you really want it.”

“Are you actually challenging me?”

“Sure. Why not?”

“Fine.”

 

I thought he was kidding; because hell, you won’t ever do that much to somebody stranger on social medias. I thought he will stop so I just left him be.

Until that night, I received a text from an unknown number. Not my colleague, my partner or even anyone related to me.

I am curious, never in my head thought that was him.

my life, it is him.

“Is that you? Damn, I try to match every single number in there and thank god you are the first one! I don’t even expect the first digit which is 0 is actually the final digit in your phone number!”

He is excited but I am not that excited.

That night, we start engaging with each other. More like simple introduction and ordinary thing. He’d said he would like to be my friends. I agree, because I know boys will get bored in a day or two, no worry much, I thought.

Its not even my habit to receives goodnight nor from my parents or anyone. It just not me. With him, I received my very first goodnight wishes.

Which is weird. But I’m not quite sure whether I like it or not. I don’t even know how to reply and I decided to left him with his wishes.

The next morning, I received my very first good morning. From him.

Darn, I thought this will actually stop but nope, it isn’t.

From there, we are starting to opening up to each other. Actually he was the first one who taking the first step. He told me his painful love story and I was there, trying to understand any single thing he told me.  Love is painful, he said.

I don’t know much but from his stories, I learned a lot. I don’t know which side I’m siding.  

He was the first one who wish me a happy birthday (long text for  a stranger) and I do appreciate. He trying to matching up to my preferences in man which I told him I do not have one. He trying his best to matching up with everything I like and else.

It takes time, but I am actually are making him as a habit of mine. The good morning text  is a must. The good night text is occasional because I always the one who slept earlier. The road rules are the one I always get mad at him because he drove like a crazy bat. Breakfast reminder is every day.

I always thought previously, everything that I did right now is actually wasting time. But with him, I am actually making this into a habit. Just like he were right now.

He’s two year older than me. But still, he was just a kid at heart. I like him—that’s all.

 

“Hey, I’m going out. Will be back later.”

“I’m playing game right now. Sorry for this, I will text you later.”

“That’s not healthy. Stop eating spicy foods, you need to care more about your body.”

“Where are youuuuuuu T.T”

“Hey, you okay?”

“Stop. You are too mad, that’s all.”

“What are you dieting for?”

“Let the cat find its own food! You are the one who should eat more not the cats!”

“Hey sweetheart, I’m sorry.”

“I just don’t like you leaving me alone without notices.”

“If you hate me, said it straight. Don’t keep delaying.”

“Sure, you are a princess. A princess who can survives without her own prince. A princess who can build a castle without any help.”

“Stop wearing makeup. You are not pretty when wearing those!”

“I know I am cute. Thanks love.”

 

I know this relationship is built because he actually miss the day he had a girlfriend and I was there; to be the one who listens to all of his rant. I was the only one who can put up with his weaknesses, his stupid acts and everything. I was there, to support him no matter what happened.

Hence, I was the first one who said;

“Umm we will stop this unhealthy relationship once either of us found a partner soon. I will stop talking to you, removing you from my friend list and blocking you on Instagram.”

“Night.”

“Morning.”

“Yeah.”

“Just, forget it.”

“Not important.”

“How is your day?”

“Why are you still talking to me? Don’t you have a lot of girls that were lining up to get your number or else?”

I was irritated; called me rude but I’m just building my own wallflower.

I want to make this relationship is simple. But I guess, nope.

I did suffer some illness stuff and my body are trying to coping with the medications and also new technology as well. There will be a day where I will be moody, endless pain and crying. Its all okay because the weird stuff doesn’t blend well in your system.

He doesn’t know.

So, the day where I sent him a video of my cats lying on my bed, I don’t even realize he might saw a glimpse of my medication. Like if you just saw a video of cute cats, you wouldn’t even notice any other else around cats.

I was happy that I ought to share with him my prettiest cat, I am such a proud Mama! Nobody can beat my girls.

“Hey. Can I ask you something?”

“Is that your medication over there?”

And ed up.

He finally learn that why I sleep earlier. He finally learn why my mood is current unacceptable. He finally learnt why some of my selfies on Snapchat are rather bloated on the cheek. He finally learn that why I can’t even eat thing that he would like to eat.

There was the day where I felt strung in my stomach and I can’t even sleep. He was weird about it because I’m still texting him even though I have already passed my sleeping time. The first question of him was;

“Can’t sleep are you?”

“How I wish I can help you…”

“Stop crying. You can endure this sweetheart.”

“No worries I will be here. Just talk anything you want.”

I wasn’t planning to. But I’m already.

I think I like him. More than as a friend. More than anyone can even imagine. The worst part is, I can’t even tell him.

I am planning to stay away from him. His birthday is coming like 8 days more and he said he was expecting a very nice word from me.

I don’t know what he is expecting from me; but I’m just gonna be very brutal honest. I don’t want to fall deeper and I don’t want to keep hurting myself. I don’t want to be only one who fell in love with him all alone. Because online relationship aren’t meant to be forever.

He is a nice guy and I can see that from the way he talk. His ex-girlfriend is sure to be one pretty yet lucky but then again unlucky for having him as a boyfriend and from letting him go.

I’m not even sure how much if I’m off from his life will meant to him but trust me, I don’t want him to deal with me again. 

He shouldn’t take my replies serious and I wasn’t supposed to reply to him either.

What do you guys think?