Hello everyone, it's been so long, I know. Well, for weeks now I've been wondering whether I should post this or not and eventually, I decided it was for the best to post this and share with you guys why I've been MIA for the whole summer basically. I know I've promised you guys with more updates after I finished uni in June but unfortunately, I couldn't keep my promise. Enough with the introduction, I'll tell you the truth now.

I've had acne for years now, probably since I was fourteen, I tried everything out there to get rid of it but nothing and absolutely nothing helped. Even if some things did work they only did so for a short while then my acne would come back sometimes worse than it was before. I've been doing that for years and finally this year, I decided that it was enough and I went to see a doctor. In the beginning, she put me on antibiotics for three months along with giving me some creams and lotions but unfortunately, it didn't work so we decided that the only option left was to go on Accutane. I honestly didn't hesitate for a second and instantly agreed because I had friends and family members who tried it and their skins were FABULOUS once they were done. So like every other person who took Accutane, I started going over the whole procedure to get the damn thing and did the blood test and everything was fine and finally, I started taking it. 

At first, everything was going fine, however, after just one week after being on Accutane, everything started to change. My whole body was aching all the damn time. I was tired 24/7 and was barely able to do anything. My back was in so much pain that I couldn't even move at some times. I was so dehydrated all the time and I was always suffering from something. In the end, I ended up going to the ER more often than I wanted but none of the doctors there knew what was wrong and they were all telling me that it was not because of the medicine so I kept taking it. I hated my acne so much and I was ready to do anything to get rid of it forever, I didn't know that I was killing myself doing so.

Anyways, I've always hated doctors and hospitals for pretty much my whole life and I avoided them like a plague but after I started Accutane, I visited the emergency room six times in only two weeks. By the third week, there was a continuous pain in my chest and it refused to go away. During this whole time, I was daily taking a pain killer pill and little did I know that it was only making my condition worse. Back to the topic, on the 19th day, after I took my 19th pill and exactly one hour after, a killing pain shoot through my stomach and I was literally screaming in pain and struggling to breathe and that lead me to my 7th visit to the ER and it was near 11 pm.

The doctor who was present at that time tried everything she could to help me but even though the pain was reduced it was still there and my blood pressure was slightly high. Afraid about me, the doctor instantly sent me in an ambulance to another hospital because the local hospital in our city did have the proper specialists. The ride there was hell and I just wanted the pain to go away. To make things short, for the next five and a half hours I was in chaos along with my mother and I probably did all the blood test that ever existed, urine tests, x-rays, everything that you could imagine, I did it. And here comes the surprise.

After all the results came out, it turned out that my liver was inflamed and my stomach was slightly damaged because my liver was allergic to one of the Accutane's compositions. In simpler words and according to the blood tests, my liver was working 100 times more than it should. Normally when the liver produces twice more enzymes than it should, it's called an emergency but my liver was producing it 100 times more so you can imagine the situation. And what made things worse was the pain killer that I was taking because their reaction with the Accutane only worsened my situation.

After three days in the hospital, my gastroenterologist and hepatologist gave me new medicines to help my liver and stomach and banned me from taking any other medicine. Even when I have flu, I can't take anything because it'll only make me worse. I was also banned from eating mostly everything and advised to only eat green food and fish. It was and still is a hard time and at a certain point, I didn't think I'd be able to go back to uni this year but thankfully I won't have to and just in case, I moved to another uni in another city this year and that's another struggle I'll talk about another time.

So... This is why I've been away for the past four months if I'm not mistaken. During that time, whenever I felt better, I tried to post a new chapter for you guys but as the time passed, I only got worse especially the previous month and that's why I haven't posted anything. I hope you'd understand:) Don't worry about me because I've been doing better now and I'll keep trying to get better and come back to you guys and my stories, they're literally my escape from everything and I can't wait to be able to sit and write again. 

I'm sorry for the long wait and I promise you that as soon as I get better and settle down for the new school year, I'll be back. Thank you so much for all your love and support and until the next time. 

Shay... <3