Wow! I didnt think I would be back here. Man, I missed when AFF was poppin’! Shipping was life lol and kpop was fun! Now a days, kpop is competition, but not between the artist, but between fans. I tell you, when I joined in 2009, shiiiiiiit - Kpop was nothing like how it is now. Memes, videos left as comments under post that have nothing to do w the video, stan twitter, kids w multiple twitter accounts, screenshots...omg this era is an interesting era but I do miss 2009-2013. I miss Mblaq, After School, 4Minute, BEAST, 2PM, 2NE1, Big Bang, every kpop group that made me stan kpop HARD since 2009-2013. Those were the days. Im really thankful I stumbled upon Kpop, it introduced me to a whole new world of entertainment and joy. I am thankful for Kpop because it was also my wake up call in 2015 when I was on my lowest of lows. After some circumstances, I was just really depressed, but I somehow told myself to look up something kpop on youtube to get my mind away from the tyness that was around me and I came upon a Seventeen music video, Adore U. At first I was like wow those kids debuted, I remember watching short clips of them inside a green room but thought nothing of it, I remember reading something like they had a mixed korean in the group and that was all. So I decided to look more into this group and found their show, Seventeen Project. I think thats what made me more interested in this group because I got so into their show, I was crying with them, laughing with them, feeling nervous with them, and even frustrated. I remember thinking these kids are so young, but theyre really working hard to reach their dreams and after that next thing I know, Im watching Mansae and the rest is history - I became a Carat. 

2016 came in and I got new job and started attending college in fall. I was starting all over but still trying to get back on my toes. I cant remember much about my times in the years 2017 and 2018, but Im here now in 2019 and reading back to my old posts on here, damn I miss when I was young and clueless. I really wish I can turn back time and re-do so many things. Life has been hectic thus far. Hectic because in between everything I felt SO MANY emotions that ed me up emotionally and it drained me emotionally that I dont know how to explain it, but I’m just not going anywhere in life like how I am in this blog - but yeah. I do feel like I had more downs than up, but I can proudly say I accomplished a few goals; license and car. Whats next? Who knows. 

Lately I havent been getting enough sleep. I sleep after 5AM and my body clock automatically wakes up at 12 or 1 in the afternoon. I cant sleep in due to the fact that Im afraid of my mom running about how Im always sleeping and I dont do , and its hard because I cant control when I should sleep, like I automatically just feel really sleepy and fall asleep at 5AM. And it stays that way for when I have morning shifts that begin at 8AM. So thats 2 hours of sleep right there and sometimes even NONE. I wake up and I look forward to getting back to bed at the end of the day, but when it comes to that - IM NOT TIRED. I think Im gonna go crazy one day and just lose my head or maybe just end up fainting. 

I work at Chuck E Cheese and let me ing tell you, I hate my job. Im not happy there.