I need some advice

I usually don’t write blog posts but I am in dire need of some advice. This afternoon had taken a turn for the worst when my close friend shared some sad news. It broke my heart to hear and I feel as if I have failed as a friend to not being able to give the support I wish I could give. I’ve been there during her critical times but every time I feel like I am not enough, or not good with my words, to be her strong support pillar she needs or get her back on her feet. Today was by far the worst day, and another day of feeling powerless in helping her in any sort of way I can.

I want to do better as a friend and a support for her sake. I feel as if I’m not the right person for her to lean on, but I want to be there for her every time like I always am, but it’s getting so difficult because I just don’t know what to do in these situation. Does this make me a bad friend? Does this make me fake if I’m not doing the best I know I can be to be there for her?

Please give me some advice on how to cheer someone up or be a better support? I truly really need it.

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Pab0Panda #1 Apr 25, 2019 07:15:22

You're going to hard on yourself. When people have a hard time, they don't always need you to do something. Sometimes the best thing to do it's listen, be there and support them when they ask you to.
I know it's hard to not doing something concrete but trust me, less is more at some point.

MissMinew #2 Apr 24, 2019 21:20:50

You need to take care of yourself. If you can't be there for yourself, how can you be there for others? I know it sounds contradictory and stupid and hard - but it's the truth. For you to be the pillar of support, you need strength. Being close to someone who struggles is hard. It's really ing hard and a lot of times, it leaves behind a sort of hopelessness and a feeling of never doing enough - exactly what you're describing.

But the harsh truth is; you're not a psychiatrist or a therapist. This is not your job. You are her friend because you love and care for her - and that is enough. It's more than ok to just say "I don't know what to say" if that is how you really feel. It is ok to take a step back and not worry all the time. It's really ing hard, I know.

But there is no advice on how to be a better support. Support is listening and being there when in need, it's suggesting they find help elsewhere when you just aren't capable (like a therapist or psychiatrist if their problems are dire). And it's recognising that being the friend is hard, it's mentally taxing. It's hard.

So for you to be a better support, start focusing on yourself. Do things that make you happy, do something that makes you feel in control. Something that comforts /you/. You can be there for her when she needs it only when you can be there for yourself.

And for me, this blogpost indicates that you're doing more than enough - being there whenever she needs you. It's now time for you to start being there for yourself as well.

And no, this does not - in any way - make you a bad friend. Nor does it make you fake. You are a good friend, remember that.
I wish you - and your friend - all the best and hopes her hard times starts to lighten.