It's getting harder to breathe at times like this. I promised not to be the pathetic lady so many times and yet I keep becoming one when it involves you. But what should I do? I'm in this shot too deep for me to just walk out like that. 

Can friends shout to each other in anger and go back to being close friends just like that? 

Can friends ignore another friend's for a certain period of time and once they decided not to ignore anymore, talk like nothing happened?

I feel like I'm being emotionally abused. Although I know it's me and only my own fault for being in this situation, this is a cry for help. 

I realized all the anger I show to people around me is due to the fact that I am not happy about myself. All these years I've lived my life blaming myself for any given situations, and it has severely damaged me myself. 

I can't stop shedding tears reading my few last posts because it's exactly how I feel now.

Helpless.

Worthless. 

Useless. 

And sometimes I wonder,  all this excess feelings for just this one person whom I don't even know will be worth it or not. Will he value the amount of love and care have for him or have showed him all the while? 

He has found a special someone for himself. And I can't be more happier for him. I've always tried to understand and give in for him. And I am always eager and excited to listen to his feelings or stories that he rarely talks about. 

Every time.

Every single time. 

I can't take in another ignoring. I just can't. But I'm afraid thats all I'll get tomorrow. And I'd rather I stay in this bed cooped up.