Dear my fellow friends, readers and subscribers, I would like to say millions of sorry due to my sudden withdrawal from this site; without any words; and left my unfinished fanfic hanging there as if it never exist.

Through this small words and limited spectrum of interaction, I will summarize some details to those who concern, or to those who follows my ongoing story (PARADOX) and my other stories, especially those who stays with me since the very beginning. Though I’ve unlisted my earliest stories from my profile, maybe some of you still can recall how bad my English and writing skill back then right? I grew a lot and improved so much compared to the first stage when I just start writing fanfic here. Even it can never be perfect, I believed that I learned a lot of things while I'm here. AFF is one of the platforms that help me through my brightest and darkest time.

Jump into the main point, first of all, I wanted to press the fact that my withdrawal from this site has nothing to do with what BAP enduring right now. Some people might leave but I won't, I’ll be a BABY as long as I can even it hurts so much. The main reason I deactivate this account was; I'm downed from depression (anxiety and panic attack). I’ve been living with this illness since some years back then and it was a roller coaster journey. I was admitted to the hospital recently and been forbid from any access to outside world for some times, and before I went there, I shut down all media that I ever access including this site. My condition that time is not even mentally down but physically ruined too, and the last update of PARADOX; Daehyun’s agony and Yongguk’s comforting words; are the voices that ringing in my head due to my extreme anxiety.

I'm not much better now but I'm allowed to be at home again, and it is so sad when the first thing I saw roaming in the internet was Yongguk’s departure and Himchan’s legal accusation. I was bit hype counting the day to the first premier of ‘Traince’ on Sept 12, until it happened. I don’t know how to describe my feeling right now, sad or angry of upset… I don’t know. I don’t want to comment about Himchan’s case but I really wish, I hope, I really really hope… it was just simple misunderstanding. Himchan that we know, will never disrespecting woman but still, we never know how Himchan behind the media. I believe in him; he’s innocent until proven guilty; so, we still have at least a week until the prosecution body reveal whether he’ll be charged or not. To be my relief, the charge of the case isn’t including extreme ual harassment (i.e , or ual violence) which commonly either phrasing harassing statement or for the worst it would be kissing or groping (which Himchan stated it was mutual or consensual interaction). The misleading headlines makes us upset and I even read some headlines saying him and the girl having with force. Guys, right now, we can't trust anyone… we just need to wait until the official statement release by the prosecution office.

End of discussion about Himchan.

Anyway, I also would like to announce that I will discontinue PARADOX, I will take down the story soon and the other stories will follow the suit. Actually, my heart was as heavy as a mountain when I decided to do this, but when I think about it again, I should do it before I drowned deeper into this world. Writing will always be my passion, but maybe I'm not supposed to start. It was my fault when I decided to do a long run story, with a lot of chapters… I shouldn’t do it in a first place since I will feel so depressed when I had writer block, while I really want to write something. It’s disappoint me when I can't deliver my words well when I'm also battling my dark time. I realized that since the last 15 chapters, I unconsciously dragged PARADOX to the endless pit of failure. It didn’t go as what I’ve planned thus ruining my motivation to write more. I can't fix the story and I don’t think I can do anything about it anymore right now and maybe the best option is to let it go.

I will not stop writing, I will keep making story about 6 people that I adore so much, 6 men that making great music that helping thousands of people around the world, in the battle that not everyone can win. Just at this moment, I choose to fix myself first, getting better and shining again. I’ll be back sometimes, maybe with one-shot or few chapters story… maybe in this account or maybe in another account… I can't decide yet. This account somehow hold too much memories of me and BAP’s up and down, the hardest and the happiest time, oh my dear you didn’t know how much I love this ‘Kaguren2109’ account ><

Last but not least, before we waves farewell to each other, I would like to say thank you so much to everyone who knows me from 4 years ago or who just started to read my stories recently. Thank you, thank you, and thank you.

This is a goodbye… and maybe I will take down this account temporarily for quite sometimes in few days (when I think this message delivered to those who care), you can still contact me personally by private message, feel free to ask anything before I disappear again… kkk

Thank you,

Sincerely;

BangDae, DaeJae, BAP bunnies lovers (BYG KHC JDY YYJ MJU CJH) forever.

I'm a proud BABY

Till we meet again~