alRIGHT GUYSES GUESS WHO'S MADE A DISAPPOINTING COMEBACK?

me

I know I left for how many months with no warnings, whatsoever, and clearly did not even make an update... and instead made even more new fics. I'm sorry for that.

most of you guys have been so kind to me, you're sort of my family too so I believe you deserve to know what's been going on in my life. 

I'm going to be in senior year next year, and whoo boy, I am so nervous. I've been part of STE and the LESS organization for four damn years now and I just can't imagine leaving it all behind. I know I said how much I hated the STE program, but then I realized that was me being entirely thoughtless and stuff. STE taught me tons of things, more on the intellectual side, and for that I'm actually thankful. 

our chemistry teacher told us how none of us aren't stupid, and that all and every seventh graders were handled with extreme precaution to separate the above average intelligent students, and the average ones. the reason why most of us deal inferior in our program was that all of the above average intelligent students were handpicked into our program. I needed the reminder every now and then so thank gods for friends. 

gender identification is haaaaaard, and when I confessed about my uality to you guys, I thought that was final but nooooooo. I had to change my mind because I just had a revelation. I'm actually a nonbinary panromantic demiromantic aual, and I'm okay with the uncertainty of the present. our English teacher is all for gender equality and part of the lgbtq+, so he told us about being queer and all that.

I was glad my extra knowledge came in handy, I get to help my classmates understand more about lgbtq+.

Remember that time I fell in love with my best friend? yeah, on February I DID send him a confession letter, and we never spoke again. I never realized how bad I had philophobia right until I got to experience love, up until now I question things. why? it's unfair. no one gets to narrate my feelings for me, no one gets to speak in words so clear I could picture the specifics mentioned. no one gets to point out things and be all 'sweetie, you're in love. don't deny it', and it's so different from reading romance fictions because love is explained in the most beautiful and heart wrenching way, whereas experiencing it firsthand is like being in a minefield and it makes me panic. 

he's moved to another state, actually. and lots of people fell for him — there was one boy who confessed to him, telling him how he'll try to make my best friend fall for him by the end of the month (as how fabrics go) and he allowed him to try. my classmates had no update about the predicament, so I'm guessing the boy's plan was a failure. meanwhile me and my best friend are drifting apart and I realized I may still have some feelings for him, both platonic and romantic, and i seriously need someone to talk about this.

our research project was a flop, and we're lacking communication. it doesn't help that I sort of hate our team leader for some reason, so the solution? we got to be in counseling. it was actually nice, and I get to know how different the four of us actually were. our classmates still dislike her, but now I'm much okay with her actions... a bit.

the councilor talked to me privately about my scars, and told me I shouldn't worry anymore because my year's nearly done, and even encouraged me to approach them if I have the time, just to talk about stuff. our classmates were concerned how it played off, but I reassured them, telling them how fun the experience was. they looked so relieved! 

the reason I haven't updated much? I took a break from kpop. I know, it was a really concerning action but I had to. with school stuff needing to be finished, books needing to be read, there was no way in Helheim I'd have enough time to spare for kpop!

eventually, I realized how I missed writing here and listening to tunes just when July rolled by and then i was back. unfortunately, the exo-l-army war was getting intense and I didn't want to be mixed in with the immature fans (sorry) who only took in their own opinions and disregarded others', especially their idols'. I've decided to focus more on Seventeen, as I realized how talented the boys I've met actually are (everyone's talented of course, but I'm biased). I'm proud of everyone's achievements and all, but currently, I'm spazzing over SVT's Oh My chinese version and I probably won't stop. 

don't worry, I still get updated with the other fandoms I'm in, so all's well and good.

I cannot promise to be more active than I already am, and the stated above happenings are only half of my reasons of absence. please forgive me for any further mistakes and disappointments. an update will be ready in few days' time.

Love lots!