An update about me and my crush irl...

Hello, I don't know if you saw my previous blog about my story with her so check it: Click here

So I am probably in love with her now. 

I dream about her a lot. Not explicit of course but sweet stuff such as cuddling, hand kissing. And if not dreaming I think about her a lot.

That day we had a deep conversation and she said the things I am doing for her are so warm and pure and no one ever did that to her, I asked her if she wished if I was a guy and she said yes ( =(((((((( ). She said she wished she can find the things I have in a guy then she changed the subject and said she is crazy for saying these words. 

That day she was mad and alone so I bought chocolate and went to her. She almost cried when she saw me... I am doing everything for her and her happiness is the only matter for me now. And I told her that, she didn't want me to think that she is greedy or narcissist but I know she is not like that at all.

I still meet her a lot and talk to her every single day. 

I just wonder when this will end... I want to know what fate is hiding for us, she is straight and I pretend that I am a one. But I think she knows... She knows that I like girls. 

I can't imagine myself with a guy and being with a girl is wrong (in my religion and society)... I sometimes wish to die before committing a big sin but if that ever happened and I actually dated a girl... I think I will be satisfied... Which is wrong... I just wanted to share this with you... Thank you.

 

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ilovekimichi #1
Well, having a crush on your straight friend, we have all been there !
Since you live in a conservative country, I feel that it's even harder to confess ? Cause I do, and that's how I feel.
In my experience, you should make her aware of your feelings without saying it explicitly. That's what I did, and she ended up dating a boy and telling him I'm weird hahaha Yeah, no happy ending for me but at least it helped me move on. What's sad is that I never felt that again with someone else, the butterflies and all that . But no one deserves to be led on just for the attention.
Kim6Ex #2
I fell your feeling. I ever in your position. Until that girl marrid with a guy and went to another city. It has been 11 years and I dont know where is her now. I need 7 years to move on. But the next years was the worts moment for me. I was in LDR and my girlfriend leaf me for another girl. She said that she was so tired in a long distance relationship. And I ask my self that will I take a risk to love a girl beside MY RELIGION AND MY CONVENTIONAL LIFE THINK THAT SO TABOO. I m so stress and Every day I just wanna DIE TO END MY PROBLEMS.
WhateverTwice #3
None of my society ever accept me other than my friends. I remember coming out to my parents and oh god the horrors, it was disgusting becuase they hit my brother and me for a while, but thankfully they thought it was only a phase and told me to change myself and completely not think about anything and focus on my studies.

I did exactly that, it’s not like I could run away, I wouldn’t even dare to. So thus I lied and told them I changed. If I didn’t then I would probably not be in such a good situation right now.

Since she said that she wants you as a guy, that sounds secretly like a confession in itself. But I’m still worried that if you confess she might freak out and tell everyone you’re this way, I’ve been in this position where I put faith in my parents to accept me but they never did and I’m afraid you might go through the same thing, I don’t want that for you. And you can’t be sure if she knows you like girls right? So I’m not sure if it’s such a good idea to confess just right now.

But you can be sure that you have all the qualities that she wants from her other. You’ve got them, and the fact that you even give up your time just for her is amazing. I think you both have a shot, let faith unravel itself.

I know it’s hard, but maybe try to let yourself breathe instead of trying to work things out. Maybe let her imply to you that she wants you or ask questions that would bring it out.
gay4pineapples #4
god... hiba babe, i really get you. sometimes i feel like i’m not so straight??? maybe???? but my family and my church and my whole society (although i live in america) really doesn’t accept that either. if i came out, i think my parents would literally rather disown me...
what i’m trying to get at is that i get it, and i know it’s hard. you must really be in love with her, and honestly she probably has conflicting feelings about it too. if you were a guy, she’d probably say yes in a heartbeat.
but, you can’t just let this weigh you down forever, you gotta figure it all out. i know its hard, and it’s a lot easier said than done, but you gotta let it go. if you wanna keep your place in your religion and society, you gotta just let it go. you are chaining yourself to it because you love he, but sometimes, you gotta let go. i love you hiba, and i wish you the best with whatever you do. fate has a plan for you, as it does for everyone. everyone has their own stories written out, but it counts on you to continue it.
keep going, and let go of the heaviness.
Legendarynotgay #5
Make the straight Bend :)
somethingmore #6
Hey, thank you for telling us your thoughts! They say love is eternal, love is kind, love is patient, love keeps no record of wrongdoings, love hopes for the best and persists. Loving someone this way is not wrong. Since your religion forbids romantic love towards the same gender, I think you should spend time with God and think about him first. Then, you can decide what to do about your crush.

Romantic attractions come and go, but God is here to stay. God has a plan for you. Even if you end up as just friends with your crush, she is a blessing to your life :) She makes you happy and that’s so great. You have precious memories you cherish because of her. After spending time with God, I think you should have a deep talk with her and see where she stands as well. Life is a journey with complicated paths. Keep on walking, my friend.

Not everyone has the same beliefs; some will tell you to go for it, others tell you no, others don’t even believe in God, but you have your own morals and character and beliefs to stand by. You are the one who ultimate chooses what to do in your life. We can influence, but we can’t force you to press a button.

Wish you all the best in life
krina_love #7
i can't give you any advice cuz i'm straight totally!
Hanayul #8
I was in your situation before , and I understand you. My only advice to you is don't be sad, don't obsess about it, and keep your options open. It is ok if you feel attracted to your own gender. It happens to many more people than you think. Treat that as a fact, and a small detail about you rather than what defines you entirely. Put it in the background and move on in life.
There's a verse which I always keep in mind and it keeps me going: "You never know, Allah may bring about thereafter some new situation" (سورة الطلاق). Things do change and you will find that you attitude will mature and thoughts will be much clearer as you advance in age. I am sure beautiful things are coming your way and there will come a time when you'll be amazed to see yourself in a situation that you could have never imagined possible. and I do believe that we were never born to have these urges of sin, rather we more or less fell in to them, but the thing is we can always climb out of these holes and thus choose the right path religion wise. so what i'm trying to say that being gay in my personal view was more or less a choice. so your feelings and your situation is just a test from allah ,and that not a single one of us controls the tests we are handed, only how we respond. So keep your faith in Allah and never ever lose hope! xoxo
babibu #9
Hmm maybe ur crush is really straight but maybe there's a possibility that she likes you too! Oh come on I can sense that ur crush is easy to be fluttered by you tho. But well I cant say that you should date her if you still prefer your religion. And I'm not gonna say you should confess to her because real life is not as beautiful as your fanfics lol
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