heads up i cannot spell that well so if there are any mistakes i'm sorry, and thank you reading my rant.

I don't know anymore. i honestly feel nothing, just empty. i'm not as cheerful or energetic as i use to be. ever since i moved and lived with my mom again, my life just feels empty. my mom fusses at us for the smallest things, and makes a big deal out of it. honestly i can understand some of it, but it's the little things that she blows into a big proportion. i just its because i'm just tired of all this. i miss my old life. i say that all the time even when i lived in New Olreans i wanted to come back, but on my own merits, not because i had to choose one family over the other. i love Cali, i really do. but what's the point of living in the place you wanted for so long, if your unhappy? i'm going to be a Seinor next semester, and honestly i yearn to get out of this house, to get out of here, and live my life. i feel traped in my own emotions. she says that she was once 17 and/or she understands, (she has said this before even though she always says that she did not) but how can you understand someone who lives in a different time period from you as well as you are no where near close with them. Yes i'm not close with my mom. not in the slightest bit. (to be honest i'm jelly of those who are close with them, my mom doesn't know the real reason why i want to do the stuff i want to nor does she undertand that i like to spread different parts of my information around. i see people take selfies with their mom, while i never sit anywhere close with her. it's sad really). sure the emotions and hormones are there but she still doesn't undertand how frail my emotions are, not her not my sister, no one in my imideate family. i just don't know anymore. honestly i like to call the side that is very dangerous Karma  because that side is a , lol. but honestly she scares me. she's my bad intentions, and my unstable side of me. i'm sure my mom never went throught that. to have an unstable sideto her where she can possible really hurt someone. don't worry i keep my emtions in check becasue dispite what my mom has done to me, and there is a lot, i still value my family, especially my siblings since i moved for them. but i hope i can go back to my cheerful happy self where i can be a better person and i won't be scared of myself.