This is a post more-so for myself than anything, admittedly, but sometimes I feel that when I speak something out loud, it resonates with me further, which is why I am using a blog-post. More-over, I think the message is maybe important to more than just me and could strike with others, too, and that’s significant, I think.

Honestly, to be completely honest, I haven’t been doing so well the past few days; I’ve seen more of my bed than the beautiful weather outside and have hours of just a catatonic stasis, broken by crying. I’ve been afflicted by such emotions before, such prolonged periods of sadness, of nothingness, and there’s nothing poetic, nothing beautiful, about it. I was so ready to give up, truly, to just succumb to the depression that had been steadily growing, as I had done in the past. But I can’t – I can’t and I won’t.

Since engaging in CBT and recovery from depression, I have learned a lot about the illness, the most fundamental fact being that, in treatment, it’s when you least want to do something that you should do it. When you want to lie in bed all day and hide away – that’s when you get up, have a shower, go out for a walk and appreciate nature. When all you want to do is cry – that’s when you distract yourself, when you bake a cake or busy yourself with chores, just do anything to stop the cataclysmic pattern unfolding within your mind.

It’s not easy, of course not, and there’s often nobody there to spur you on or coax you through. Battling such an illness is all on your shoulders, it’s all down to you. There are days when you feel like you don’t want to beat it – what’s the point? What is there for me? – but that’s the illness talking. I know that. I know that for a fact and that’s why I can’t lie down right now, why I can’t just give in to it, because in doing so… I let the illness win.

Honestly, it is okay to have bad days, for everyone has them; what isn’t okay is to just succumb to them and let yourself fall further and further into it. I know I can’t do that anymore, and I know how to stop it, and it’s what I have to do – not just for me, but for my family, my future, everything. I can’t give in. Even though I feel terrible or scared or alone, I can’t give in, and I won’t. I won’t. This illness won’t beat me and I won’t let it ruin my life any more than it already has.

SO COME AT ME DEPRESSION AND I AM GOING TO BURN YOU ALIVE AND DANCE ON YOUR CORPSE

Okay too macabre maybe but I’m

I’m going to win :3 like, fight me, but I am ing winning this battle >.< !

POSITIVITAE :3

Positivitae ^^

God I love this man send him all hearts hearts heart