First of all, I would like to start by apologising for going MIA for about 6 months without updating any of my fics besides some PM replies that I was well and alive. So what happened?

Warning: Proceed with caution. I strip myself bare and be completely honest. I will not be held responsible if you find what I said offensive. Possible grammatical, structural and punctuation errors. Overuse of the word honestly. Consider yourselves warned.

1. Real life happened. I am a busy adult. I'm 25 years old, I graduated from uni a year and half ago and now I work 3 part time jobs just to get by. My priorities are far cry from what it was when I was a high school or university student. I simply cannot sit down for hours to crank out good fics. 

2. Loss of interest in Kpop in general. Believe it or not, EXO was the last group I showed remote interest in and I don't even keep up with them anymore. Anyone else that came after that I was just like 'meh'. And it was not because they were not good. I know some of them are good. I just wasn't feeling my Kpop vibes anymore.  

3. Loss of interest in Super Junior. I honestly don't remember how I enjoyed SJ as a group before, I had lost that feeling and enthusiasm. Don't be mistaken, I'm not saying that I hate anyone in the group. I support their group activities, I like most of the members, but honestly speaking, right now I am not a great fan of anyone other than Donghae and Eunhyuk and maybe Kyuhyun. Yeah, this is the nail in the coffin right there. I know people are going to call me out and say that I'm not a true ELF if I only like certain members, but this post is meant to be completely honest and that's what's currently going with me. I honestly don't know if I will even find back the old feeling I had when I was a hot blooded teenager.

4. Loss of interest in writing. When I am pressured to update, more and more as time passed, when I get PM after PM, comment after comment, I just wonder; how much time do you actually think it takes me to write? you think I just sit down in front of my laptop and continue where I left off? No, everytime I start writing, I at least have to re-read the current and last paragraph. Sometimes, I re-read the ENTIRE FIC just to make sure I am still on track. I know the story, I make rough drafts for fics that I know will be very long, eg. Starlight Babe, but, I need to re-read to know what exactly each character said or did a couple of chapters before so that I minimise glaring mistakes. Maybe I just have bad writing habits. I don't know. There must be a better way, but I was never professionally trained in creative writing. My point is, sometimes, I spend an hour writing half a page. That's 250-300 words. On extremely good days, I can write 3000 words, no problem. Once I wrote one entire chapter with close to 5000 words in one sitting. I think it took me three hours. But those days are few and far between. I'm more likely to write one chapter in one week than three hours if I work on it consistently, which would mean writing some each day. But given that there is something called real life and teaching job, consistency is hard to achieve for me. Often times I come back to the fic after two three days having completely forgotten what I meant to write, and I have to start over and then beat myself over the loss of a good idea. I think we can all agree that real life is tough enough. I have mentioned several times that writing is a hobby, and something I do when I want to relax. Well how can I relax when I keep having to stress over the contents, about making mistakes, about cross-checking once every few sentences. Well you might say, 'But you had the patience and time to do it before?'. (Refer to No.1 again.)

5. Multi-chaptered fics: The bane of my existence. I am honestly BAD at writing long full-length fics. I don't know why I keep doing them. The more chapters there are, the more things I have to consider when I am writing future updates and the longer it takes to write an update. Usually, by the time I finish the fic; my style would have changed, my ideas would have become better and I would look back at the beginning of the fic and be like 'ew, why did I ever at some point in the past think that this was a good idea?' I will honestly tell you now that I have NEVER re-read The Business, The Principal's Son and When Love Strikes after they were done. This is exactly what's happening with Starlight Babe now. Each time I re-read the fic, I think of something I would have liked to write differently, and it kills me to know that I can't make that change because it is already posted. I know what you will say, 'Well you CAN re-write the fic to your liking?' Psst, ain't nobody got time for that. For me, once a fic is posted, it's done. I will try to do better in my next fic, but there is no way I am going to take the exact same idea and re-write it again.

6. Fleeting ideas. Having many ideas sounds like a good thing, isn't it? Well, not if you don't have the resillience to pull through and actually finish your ideas. I have about 20 fics that I put aside after deciding that I wasn't going to finish them, each one I have worked on to various degrees, some with a few hundred words, some a couple of thousands. And right now I have 9 fics that I have been working on, which are inclusive of Starlight Babe and Falling Together. I know, 9!!!!! Anytime I get a writer's block in one, I open another one and start writing the next fic, abandoning the previous one until further notice. Geez, I wonder why it takes me so long to update my fics...hmmm. I suppose the only silver lining is that some of the 7 fics are half or nearly done, and they are all shorter fics. 

7. Lack of response. The absolute WORST feeling in the world is when you have spent 50 hours of your precious life that you will never get back to write a chapter, upload it, and then get like freaking 10 comments. Jesus! It will not kill you to leave a comment, you selfish pieces of ! I have eyes, and I know basic math, I know how many people read each update.

8. Lack of positive competition. AFF's Eunhae tag is like night and day of a difference compared to what it was five/six years ago. Back in those days, there were SOOOO MANY good fics being uploaded all the time by writers who were actually good at what they did. I don't mean to say that there are no good writers NOW, don't misunderstand. I just mean to say that Eunhae (I'm referring to both Haehyuk and Hyukhae) fics are being posted/updated by fewer people in slower intervals compared to before, and there's just nothing to fuel the competition. There's no urge to write IMMEDIATELY after reading a good update by someone else, there's no competition to reach the top as it was before. And lets not kid ourselves, nothing has been the same after some of the best authors left. I recall having someone tell me that I can never leave because I'm literally one of the only good ones still left, and I'm like 'no, i'm not even near qualified to be considered the same rank as some of the other gods of Eunhae fics that we know and love'.

9. Too much distraction. I can tell you honestly now that I don't read Eunhae fanfiction anymore. Really, you would too after you start reading some other fanfiction out there. I remember reading a fanfiction on the American TV show 'Hannibal'. It was completed recently but I started following it late last year, and it was one of the first non-Kpop fics I read and IT LITERALLY BLEW MY MIND. How good was it? I would pay to read it, I would BUY it if it was sold on Kindle, that was how good. And the funny thing is, I don't even watch Hannibal! Neither do I watch Teen Wolf, but boy, their fans CAN write! I've fallen in love with the Derek/Stiles pairing three times over. I've even resorted to Marvel fanfiction (Steve/Bucky anyone?) and sometimes Deadpool/Spiderman. Jolly, that was a rabbithole I don't want to go down again. Oh, and don't forget the evergreen Supernatural pairing Dean/Cas. I will honestly tell you that everything I know about those characters I mentioned came from all the fanfics I read about them. I didn't watch a single episode of the actual TV show or movie. Of course, I will not lie and say that everything I read was good (when you read more than 5000 fics you're bound to come accross some that you hated) but the general perception that I got was that they were really good. I don't know how they do it, but they are just good. The point is, I spent so much time READING that I just didn't have time to write anymore.

I think that's everything. Wait...is that everything? Whatever. So what next moving on?

I am not leaving. I know, it's been six MONTHS, no idea how that happened, but I have never stopped writing Eunhae fanfics, remember the 9 fics I was working on? I just haven't posted any because frankly, well, none of them are complete yet. But they are going to go up soon, hopefully. Not all at the same time, but just whenever I'm done. I don't want to force myself to write just for the sake of it. 

Starlight Babe and Falling Together will be completed. I know how I feel when a fic is left hanging by the author and I will not subject you guys to that. So I will try my best to finish them.

Moving forward, I'm going to focus on one shots or fics that generally end between 7000-15000 words. And I will post them only after they are done, none of those chaptered things. I don't dare to guarantee how many fics I will write in the future, but I assure you that if I do post a new fic once in the blue moon, its going to be complete before I do. 

Adios and take care.