Hi all. It's been a while since I've been active here. Perhaps a lot of people are wondering what is happening to me. Firstly, regarding the prompts that I have received in exchange for donations for D&E concert, rest assured I have been working on a few fics... I have two fics that are technically 'done', which means that the main plot is drafted out and I just need to fill in the blanks here and there. If I get them done, they will be posted in due time. Regarding Starlight Babe, I have been writing the last chapter, but there are a few issues that I need to work out still, because I need to find an effective but not rushed way to end the storyline. I've not been satisfied with my writing lately. Perhaps I'm just washed up. 

I'm hesitant to write this blog, because I usually don't want to share too much of my personal life, mainly because no one is interested to know... but I don't know. Perhaps because no one here knows me personally that I can share like this. I'm not trying to like vie for sympathy or anything. I just really need to get things off my chest to just someone who is willing to listen and not judge me. 

You know how sometimes you feel like your life is just a constant uphill battle, that there is no comfort or reprive after every slope, and that life is just always one challenge after the other with no good thing happening at all? It really just kind of feels that way to me nowadays. Since the beginning of the year actually. If you followed my previous blog, you probably know that I went back to school for my master's degree and am doing part time work to earn my keep. Money has always been a struggle, because it just feels like I'm never earning enough money to support myself and I've been slowly getting into some sort of debt with the university. Plus, I'm getting no support from my parents whatsoever.

So since I started my semester break, I picked up other part time work than the original ones I have been doing. I worked as an event crew for a one month long project. Then, a few days ago, I picked up work as a product promoter (you know, one of the people giving out free samples of new products). At that time I was thinking to myself, maybe I can finally earn enough money to pay off the fees that I owe the university. 

But July and now August has just been an absolute show. First, I have a car that I share with my brother, and because he was trying to save money to relocate to Singapore to start work in September, I had to pay for the entire sum of car insurance and road tax that expired in July. For some reason, my car front tyres also had problems and needed to be replaced after less than a year. Then, two weeks ago, I lost the gold ring my mom bought me before I left for my studies as sort of a good luck gift. I was careless and the ring slipped out of my finger when I was showering in the community shower. Of course, it was never returned, as whoever found it would have sold it for cash. I was very angry with myself, because if I was more careful, I wouldn't have to lose something so valuable and I don't know...man, I don't know. I'm still upset about the ring.

Then a few days ago, I faced the challenge of being locked outside of my own room. I share a room with another person at the dorm, and I went to shower while she was asleep, and when I came out, she had gone to work and I was left with no key, no phone, and no way to get help. Thank god I had clothes to wear... I can't imagine if I were to walk around with just a towel. Eventually, it took about an hour and half for me to find help and unlock the door. 

Just when I thought things can't POSSIBLY get worse... I got into an accident yesterday. (I was on break from my promoter job, and was on the way to get food) I was trying to make a turn and a young driver (high school student who just got his licence) was impatient, just decided to cut in front of me instead of waiting for me and I ended up bumping the front of my car into the side of his car because I didn't see him for some reason. Doesn't really matter what happened, but in the eyes of the law, I am at fault. So of course I had to settle things with his parents and his older sister (who is a rude btw) last night eventhough I had just finished work and was damn tired after standing for hours. Then, my brother was of course upset with me since I caused problems for him again (he had to accompany me to the workshop and everything) and now, much of the money I earn from my promoter job has to go to paying for the repair for the person's car. Which means, I'm basically spending hours standing and handing out cookies for the sake of someone else. Imagine if I didn't go to work, I wouldn't have had the accident, and I wouldn't have to earn money to pay for something that I wouldn't have to pay for if I wasn't there in the first place.

You know how people say that when you're so damn low, there's no where else to go but up? I'd really like to go up now please. I get it, every bad thing you experience is a life lesson yadda yadda yadda, but that's about as much life lessons that I can afford to pay for as of now. I just wish that after this, my string of bad luck will ward off. In chinese there's a saying of 'po qian xiao zai', which means spending money to avoid disasters. The reasoning behind it is, you lose something small to ward of something even worse from happening. If I think about it in that way, and think of a million things that's even worse than what's happening now, it is a bit of a relief. But my treacherous mind just can't let go of the fact that all of these bad things happened to me when I'm already so stressed out.

In the end this post ended up as some kind of rant, which is what it is intended to be. If anyone reads this whole post, thank you for listening (reading?). Even though posting this doesn't exactly solve my problem, it feels great to be able to vent none the less.