Anneyong, yeorobun! Sorry, this blog might be a little depressing, yet again ._. I guess it's apparent through my blogs that I'm not the happiest individual in the world right now. Haven't been for a while, but whatevz, hopefully blogging will make me feel better like it usually does :)

So have you ever wanted to have someone walk a day in your shoes? I've been thinking about it a LOT lately. The past few weeks have been brutal on me. Between massive amounts of homework and school stress, hours a night of dance classes (including on weekends!), play practices, and trying to find time to live have had their shared tolls on both me physically and mentally. And my birthday wasn't really spectacular (aside from all your love, of course!)

So I've been down in the dumps lately. I've been prone to outbursts of anger because my stress factors are peaking at their alltime high and my stamina at its alltime low.

Today I was typing an English paper. I already can't focus because I'm hungry (and once I feel the hunger, there's no hiding it. I'm starving), plus, I'm not particularly interested in writing when I'm not feeling 100%. So my mother comes in and asks about what I feel like doing for dinner since I have class tonight. I tell her I have no clue.

She says something about me not giving ideas so I snap back "Well, what would you like?" She says something about going out somewhere if I weren't so busy so my response to that is if I can finish my assignment before my first class, I should be fine.

I guess I had some sort of attitude or something (shocker -_-;) so she says, "Why are you being so cranky?"

Now, I'm already feeling crappy today. I failed the physics quiz I took on my birthday because my teacher doesn't actually TEACH like his job requires. I can't teach myself something I already don't understand. And once I'm accused of not being nice, it only encourages me to be even less nice.

I answer her somehow and she just walks out frustrated and yells, "Just bleed already!"

...

ing thanks a lot. Like I'm not already an emotional wreck.

And that's another thing. I absolutely HATE when people make their problems out to be worse than your own. "I only have $2 for lunch, and a lunch costs $5-" "Really? I haven't had lunch money for a week." *Hypothetical situation, folks*

...Really? You have the nerve to pull that on me. I see your life, and from the looks of it, you're quite comfortable. Don't ever make a problematic situation I'm having about yourself. Unless, you happen to be my problem, got it?

What I've wanted to say is I would just LOVE to have people who think their life is hard and stressful and my parents who think I'm miserable to live just one day of my life and tell me how miserable I am. I would LOVE to see them wake up at 5:30 every morning after a night of tossing and turning from stress and sickness. I would LOVE to see them get on a bus that smells like cat urine and rotting eggs and old sneakers every morning to be late to school anyway. I would LOVE to see them take the most difficult classes the school can offer you. I would LOVE to see them stay after school for 3 hours worth of play and still get nothing done. I would LOVE to see them go straight from play practice to dance practice for hours on end, either teaching the technique to girls who don't listen anyway or actually dancing. I would LOVE to see them get home after all of these hours and know that you still have an entire book bag worth of homework to do. I would LOVE to see you cry because you don't know what to do anymore. I would LOVE to see you cry because your one, true desire in life is something you feel is out of your reach.

My mom always tells me to relax.

Yeah, well, can't you see it's a little hard to relax?

I get it, you work from 10-3. Ooh boy, big ing deal. You get to sleep in until 8 every morning. And you do get up earlier than I do, I get it. I get you're doing something you don't particularly like.

How do you think I feel?

My negative attitude isn't something spontaneous. It's reflective of all the negativity around me.

Honestly, I really would give anything to have people take a step into my life and see exactly how hard I work to have what I have. I admit, I'm given nice things, but I work my off to try and repay that. It's not fair to be spoon fed everything.

Likewise, it might be more humbling of me to take a step into other peoples' lives to see how they live. I'm well aware that there are so many people less fortunate than I am (so I must admit, I'm pretty fortunate).

I just don't see it fair to have my parents believe I'm this miserable, grumpy kid, just because I want to be. I don't want to be sad all the time. Believe me, I don't like being sad and crying all the time. But if you two weren't so damn negative all the time maybe it'd be possible to put a smile on my face every once in a while.

And have you ever thought about the meaning of trivial things? And I mean, really, truly trivial little things that might not make sense to anyone else?

Like dreams. I always rave about my friends having dreams about my future. It could always just be reflective of me always talking about myself and my interests.

Or words in a poem. You could see one line that relates to your life and suddenly it seems that particular poem was written solely for and about you.

I'm guilty of this. I take absolutely anything and EVERYTHING and relate it to my future with Zico. Like seriously, who the hell points out that in a music video, his team name was of both your favorite animal and color? Who takes what he says about his ideal girl and rationalizes that he's talking about herself? Who takes a freaking psychic's reading to heart and makes assumptions about her statements that they're of him?

I'm a freak, people ._.

There's all this uncertainty around me that I try to cloud with confidence that someday, I'll get to see him. And I feel horrible for totally putting him out there all the time.

So seriously...do you ever think about the little things? Because I'm a freak when it comes to them as I've already stated. But you know something?

I don't care.

I take these trivial things to heart, because I do believe that everything has a purpose and a reason. Now, whether it's true in all cases is something beyond my comprehension, but I do believe that there are certain aspects of life that relate to another.

Like thinking about stuff. Zico's ideal girl kind of changed from before I totally began biasing him. Now it's someone SIMILAR (not exact!) to who I am, both physically, and emotionally. +1 for me.

The psychic only gave me name suggestions for my future love as being a 4 letter name that contained the letters J, H, and O. She said he'd be about 2 years older. Now, psychics aren't really future tellers (it all depends on your beliefs), but when she was told nothing about my life or interests, she was pretty damn accurate. +2 more.

Not only have I had dreams about us in the future, I've had at least 5 reportings from other people about it as well. +5.

I've had my most reliable doctor say with certainty that my husband is going to be around 6' tall, and I'll most likely need to see him for family planning. By seeing him for it, I'll most likely have multiples, relating back to a dream I've had. +3 for the triplets apparently I'm supposed to have ._.

My favorite group's comeback was on my birthday. Their album was released on my brother's. They're my brother's favorite kpop group, as well. On top of that, Zico's the only member he can always recognize. My mother believed that my last name would be Woo before she knew about Zico. My dad thinks that Woo is the only tolerable Asian last name I could have. +asdfouqpwermaspodfiaeprqmdoicausdfoiaseur >///<

So I could just be looking for what I want to see. But then again, maybe things are all happening for a reason. I really would just like to know for sure what my future will be. But that, too, will remain a secret.

Thanks for listening everyone. I appreciate you all actually reading my rants ._. They all repeat themselves lmfao. Off to dance class ._.