Okay so lately, I've been obsessed with NCT. Actually I've started to listen to 127 since their debut (Fire Truck is a stan attractor tbh) but no more than a casual listener. I got curious and searched for the members, memorized them and even got my fave pick (Haechan is bae lol) but BOSS came out a week ago and I was like "well why don't i just increase the view count" and boy did I got into NCT mess lol. My YT history is full of NCT as we speak 

So I was just browsing thru the youngest NCT unit official videos and one video stood out particularly to me because the thumbnail showed my baby OTP Markhyuck. I gotta watch it like creepy noona I am. The video was unsubbed (SM you freaking-- your rich why don't you go hire some translator) but thanks to amazing people in the comment section that I understood what the babies were talking. That video led me to spill my heart content here. In the last bit of the video, Mark was asked by one of the staff that he's going to be 20 soon, so what would he do with NCT dream? Mark didn't know the answer and thank God the video stopped there otherwise it would hurt so much seeing Haechan's gradually blank face and Mark stuttering out evasive answer. That was when I realized that Dream wasn't a fix unit of NCT. 

BEar with me please. Yeah I know NCT had a unique, different concept with the rotational and ever-so-expanding number of members. It's not that i'm lazy to research about NCT, heck I know all of the members's name when I didn't even stan them, (but I'm slowly convertin now). and yeah I know NCT is called the korean AKB48. so i should have known what I've got myself into in the first place... 

(hint : i dont)

why

i mean, if i want to be hurt this badly then I shouldn' have leave 48fandom lol I'd be just floating around that mess of a fandom. 

The more I see NCT the more I see AKB48 in them and i don't like it, not one bit. 48Fam is famous on big number of members and vicious, ever-changing centers cycles. Why they appeal to intl fans, it's the catchy song, the dramas that happening in 48Fam and beautiful girls. Why did I say drama? last year's Senbatsu Sousenkyo  (or, the Election program to decide which girls got to shine than the others) one of the girl actually announced that she's going to get married in the annual event, the holy event of 48fam. Which, hey, I'm all for bravery and courage but really, do you have zero consideration for your wotas who bulk-buy copies of album just to secure you tight, nice place of 20th seat? At least you can announce it after the event.

So yeah I know why SM is interested in 48 system. the money is good, the attention is just right, and they need some new break-through, modern-like system to differentiate this engineered-to-be-succesful new generation with other idol groups. And in this already saturated industry it's kinda hard to do that. 

Why i left 48Fam it's because of this things that called graduation system. All of my oshi (bias) were the first gen of AKB48 and all of them HAS GRADUATED from akb48, and they left to pursue their individual career. I'm very happy that the girls are happy with their careers now but the crushing loneliness and hollow feeling i experienced when they cried at the stage announcing they were going to graduate, their last-single to be center and the vanishing existence from 48-family related business are no joke. Like I've been with them since day one, supporting them all I can, adore them, cry with them and then they just.... they just left. The sensation when you know you oshi is there but NOT with the other members you want them to be is just... It's hard. AND once again i know everyone need to grow by themselves, earning their individual recognition and not always riding on the 48 famous name, but it's just sad and hard and I don't want to experience it again... and I've experienced it multiple times, from Acchan graduation until Mayuyu graduation, all of them I was there.

sitting with blank face in fromt of my PC (lol i made a very sad image)

And when all ofmy oshis were abolished from 48Fam website images and the quality songs that made me signed up to akb48 has gone no longer I was like "yep nothing to do here anymore"

little did I know that Mark's going thru that graduation system TOO, just not with the leaving NCT all together.

So imagine my feeling when I know it's going to be dejavu again with NCT. The members are going to be added infinitely, each time more younger, vigorous, and definitely talented than the previous one, and I'm sitting here thinking, "then how about the original members? how about the 'first-gen' of NCT, what are they going to do once the additional members are just too many that the attention was scattering and wasn't on them anymore? three, four years from now on just how many members NCT will be?" The thing is, in 48Fam they were famous but only specific, top girls that are being showered spotlights. Much like Taeyong and Mark situation, but more severe, because I would meet the undergirls or the lesser-known-girls at some Tokyo intersection and I'd just dismiss them, I ain't got no time to memorize them yo? out of 90+ people I only know like 15 or 17 of them, all of them the top girls and several more because they were pushed to the center. the rest? pfft. 

The more the merrier, but also the bigger the competition inside the circle is. I'm content with the way NCT right now, with 18 members. More than that, it's going to ruin the dynamic of the group and one thing I'm sure I didn't like is dynamic disharmony of a group band. Will there be a time where I sat there watching NCT videos, wondering "who the hell are these people?" other than the original line-up of NCT members? I'm scared of that time. I'll just... enjoy this moment. 

I'm just really grateful that SM doesn't pull the election bull to NCT. I just hope SM knows where the heck they going to take NCT because I sure as hell don't