I’m writing this blog bc I think this is the only medium where I could let it out about my thoughts and all stuff. This is because people here didn’t know who am I, didn’t know much about my background. Thus, I feel safe here rather than using my others SNS accounts where it could easily access to the people wh know me.

I’ve been keeping all this matters to myself until I turned into depression. As all of you know depression is not a good sign of your mental health. Its nothing major tho but I know it still depression. I just got the symptoms I guess even tho not all but most of it.

I barely eat and not im having difficulty to tune back my eating orders and I actually never wants to eat even tho I feel hungry. It is just that I’m losing my appetite. I’m also suffering of insomnia where it was hard for me to sleep. I only sleep mostly less than 4 hours and I’m too tired, I will sleep all day long.

I also thinking that I’m such a failure and always feel guilty and it was like everything happened because it was my fault and I couldn’t stop to blame myself. I wanted to talk to my family or close friends but I just shut them out. I don’t want to deal with people and just live in my own world. Tears are like my best friend as I easily cried when my thoughts running wild in my mind, thinking all those negative vibes and so on.

Luckily, I never intend to suicide. It never came across my mind at all which I thought that it much better and I haven’t suffering of major depression. What keep me insane that I heard Yoseob’s pre released song, STAR and the lyrics was really touched.

Now, I’m slowly trying to get myself back and I really hope for the best. I really wanted to change and it was hurt for me too. The loneliness that I felt during these few weeks totally made me sad. It kills me inside.

With the upcoming comeback, I hope Yoseob’s voice could be healing for me like always. I mean every time I felt down, listening to Yoseob’s voice was really soothing. Please hit jackpot too!

i'm sorry for long rants and you dont need to  read this if you dont want.