To the brightest star on stage, who is now shining as the most beautiful star in the sky, I have so many words left unsaid, will you listen to me?

'The general public tends to frown upon grief over somebody you didn't know, and if you don't just "get over it" within a couple of days, you can get scathing criticism.'

I have never related to this statement so much before, neither have I been so affected by people's comments towards the one I love.

I have people telling me that him ending his own life isn't the way to go which I admit, is something I believed in as well, but what's done cannot be undone. I have people indirectly telling me that I should just quit being a k-pop fan; it's not worth it because see, look what can happen. Or I'm just drowning myself in unnecessary sadness because I personally chose this hobby.

To sum it up, idols are not good for me.

But to me, he's merely an idol. He's an artiste, an artiste far beyond the society's standard of a singer, dancer, song-writer, performer. He's someone who writes his own music, hoping that this piece of mp3 will be able to save lives, which he did. He's someone who does his best given every opportunity he has. He's someone who truly communicates with his fans, and loves us as much as we do.

They're humans too. And just because the fact that they're artistes from Korea, which suddenly seems like a negative thing, or plastic surgery is probably the only thing you can go against this particular genre of music, it shows that you're narrow-minded and needs to broaden your horizons.

They're humans too. So why aren't we giving them this chance, this forgiveness that can be brought upon to any other stranger, but when we see idols who ends their own life, it suddenly becomes their fault? The fans' fault? For supporting a K-pop singer? Or for loving him too much? Or both?

I have been a fan since 2011. Although there were many hiccups for me belonging in the fandom, my roots still stayed true to SHINee, and they are the reason why I'm still staying. Because they exist. Jonghyun, my bias, once exists. No one can take our sadness as a joke, because they never understand what we see over a screen is beyond a performer. It's the amount of memories we've shared altogether, our daily dose of happiness, and people who pull us back up immediately, albeit not physically when we're facing our own crisis.

So don't tell me that me supposedly "chasing" idols is wrong because who knows, when will be the last?

I split my life priorities and my fandom life with a clear, bold line. It has always been priorities in life > fandom life. So what am I doing so wrong, that attacked me with so many unnecessary indirect, judgements, whatever you name it.

It hurts. It hurts because what seemed to be a thousand miles away, suddenly became a lifetime. In a blink of an eye.

To our Jonghyun, who showed us how important it is to stand up for our belief, even when the other side of the world chooses the opposite.

To our Jonghyun, who constantly releases music for us, just so we can feel at ease, happiness, even when you were facing the other extreme.

To our Jonghyun, who always puts others before himself, making sure everyone around you is okay, before taking care of yourself.

To our Jonghyun, who does his best on every stage, every recording, ensuring that professionalism takes priority so that we don't get worried.

To our Jonghyun, who persevered till the end, even at your last breath.

I'm just a face in the crowd. But to me, you're the sunlight that keeps my heart going. The world has lost one of its light, and it will be lonelier and colder without you in it. But I'm at ease, knowing that you are now free from this ugly and cruel world.

I'm sorry I didn't get your hints. I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I'm sorry I took you for granted.

Thank you for seven years. It has been seven amazing years for me with you in it.

Thank you for saving so many lives, but I'm sorry we couldn't save yours. And even though we lost you, you haven't lost us.

I'm so grateful for you Jonghyun, thank you for even existing in the first place. Thank you for demonstrating what love feels like, even though your existence might be miles away.

Things might feel a little different now, but I promise, I will move on endlessly while enduring the pain.

You have worked so, so hard.

I'm sorry, and I love you.

'We can be together in this space, while being on the other side of the earth. We can be together at anytime, not just at 12 O'clock. Physical matters certainly remained indifferent in our space. I only hope for this to never cease. I hope this space that belongs to you & me, be the site for anyone to rest in tranquillity. I hope for our memories to rise as reminiscences and embrace you like no other. This is dedicated for those who have created our space together. Thank you.'

I should be the one to say thank you, thank you for creating this space. For you, and for me.