Hey guys, it's me. How is everyone doing? I hope everyone is healthy along with their family and their loves one. It's been awhile since I've uploded a new blog because I've been busy with my real life stuff, but thankfully I already graduated last year and everything went well and now I am waiting for my exam result come out so that I can further my studies at University. The main reason why I wrote this blog is I really need some advices. I already seek some advice from my friend but they don't really work well. So, let's me start telling you guys my story and I really hope you guys can help me since Asianfanfics is the other place where I can advice from other. So back in 2012, I had to transfer to a new school because my father has to work at his old office place since his contract end. When his contract end, he has to come back to his old office place and start working there again. So as his children, I had to transfer too which means I have to leave all my friend. Eventhough I left, I still remained in contact with my old friend using social medias like Facebook and Twitter. Thank god, they're still my friend until today. Okay, back to my new school in 2012. I was bullied. Yes. You've read right, I was bullied. When I first came to the school, nobody likes me. Even the person that was my friend became enemy. This is all because their misunderstand with what I was saying. There was a dude in my class, he's kinda funny so I told him stop doing that stupid thing or else the teacher will get angry at you. But unfortunately, someone in my class, Jreen -not real name- , she hates me. I don't know why she hates me. So, she actually spread the rumour saying that I called the whole classes stupid. And BOOM! the whole classes hates me and didn't believe what I said anymore. I have only one person that I trust that time, but hey, don't judge people too easily, who know that this person that I trusted as a friend is actually backstabbing me? I still remember what they did to me. They put my beg near to a trash can, they put a threatening letter underneath my desk, they attack me at the school field, they said bad words toward me. Oh, how I wish I was strong enough to stand up on my own two feet. So now, fast forward, when they attacked me at the school field, one of the girl named  Rara *not real name* asked me why did I played her father's name? and why did I messaged her on her phone? I was actually shocked when she said that because hey, I don't even her phone number why would I texted her and played her father's name. I told her I don't even know your phone number how am I supposed to do that? that girl also told me that I asked them to attack me at school. I was like since when did I said that? they push me on my shoulder and that's when I had enough of this , I go to the school's principal room and ask for the help of the school. and there is a girl who actually being a fake friend name Aisha *not a real name* whom I trusted came to my side and asked me if I was okay. I told her no, I had enough of all this bull that I didn't do. So I meet the school principle and reported what they did to me, and in that room, all of them are called by the school principle. So in that room, we discuss and I explained everything and they admitted what they did to me. I told the school principal about all the threatening letter they gave to me and they also admit doing it. So as a punishment, the school principle told them that their name has been blacklist, so if they cause any more trouble, they're getting kick out of the school. So back in the class, I don't remember how I know this, but if I am not mistaken someone told me that Aisha has been telling them all the stuff that I told her to them, she told them all the everything I've said about them. And remember that Rara girl where she told me that I texted her and played her father's name? Jreen is the one who is behind this. She asked one of the dude in the class and told him to text Rara and said it was me who texted her. So that Rara will attack me too. And that's how the teacher know every dirty things that Jreen has do to me. Okay finish, I won;t continue this story. So new story, back in 2017, I had a fight again but I won;t tell you what happen, and again somebody backstabbing me, and also someone I thought as a friend leave me like I am a trash and the list go on. I just don't want to write it cause the list will became longer and longer. So the main reason why I need advice is I cannot forgive and forget. I don;t understand. Everyone around me told me that hey you should forget about the past, forgive and forget, I tried. I tried to swallow all the advices, but I can't. It makes me sick remembering all the I have to go through. I tried to enjoy with my life but those thought about what happen to me make me sad. I tried to forgive and forget but I just cannot do it. I seek help from everyone but I can;t. I really need help, I really want to come out of this . I want to stop remember the pain I've go through. That's all. Why can;t I be happy? Why?