I wrote this today.

It’s been a week since you left. It’s been the longest week of my life to be honest. Eating is next to impossible and I feel like dying all the time. Last Sunday I was talking to one of my friends about the fun things we would do together when I visited and now it takes every ounce of energy I have just to get out of bed. There are moments of disbelief and even moments where I forget. The other day I was watching you perform and for the smallest second I forgot you weren’t here and when I remembered it was like it had happened all over again. Now I’m completely and utterly devastated in every sense of the word and I wonder if I’ll ever smile again. My heart physically hurts; there are times when my arms ache to hold you and my eyes burn to see you but I know that will never happen. I love you, I love you more than any combination of letters could ever even begin to describe and I feel like my life is over. I miss you so much, I feel like I’ll never be happy again. The only comfort I get is knowing you’re free; and if you really are I will gladly welcome this cell of misery I’m trapped in because I love you more than I could ever love myself; you taught me love and I will be forever grateful. I love you Jonghyun; I hope you’ll be proud of me when I see you again.