I came across this website again after Jonghyun passing away. I thought back about the times I've been on this website. Usually just.. doing roleplay stuff or reading some stories. After Jonghyun's death I realized something that I think everyone dealing with mental illness needs to know and needs to hold on to.
Even though I am not that old yet, there is one thing I learned in my life and it is: "everything is going to be okay." Whether if it's with small issues you deal with or bigger issues. 
There are moments in your life, where things don't really go as planned. It depends on the person how you deal with it. Some people can just easily step over the situation and go on, but some people stay in the negative circle and it gets harder and harder for them to get out of it. 
For me..? I had a really tough year last year. I thought I wouldn't pass school, there were too many things I had to do and on top of that I started to get really scared for a lot of things. I was scared for such small thing as tuning with my band and I was scared, and actually still am, to be forced smiling in a picture or at birthdays and other parties.
Before I would always love playing in my band and it made me so happy, but last year.. I would rather stay home than go to rehearsals. I could be scared for a whole day and even days before the rehearsals and when it got really bad I was already thinking about the next rehearsal right after I had the last rehearsal. It sounds really stupid and I actually feel still quite embarrassed about it, but I think people should know that even though it made me really unhappy, that everything will be okay. In the end I passed school and after that I started to feel better and better. Now the rehearsals are getting better and better as well! I am nervous and scared sometimes, but not as much as before. I just want to let everyone know that if there is something wrong. It can really help to try to change your mindset, care for yourself, have some you time and if it's getting out of hand try to search for help. Ask people. 
Everything will be okay, as long as you try to do something. In my case it sounds like it just started to get better all of the sudden, but it's not like that. I made it work, because even though I was scared I didn't run away from it. Everytime even though it got me really hard. I forced myself to just go and try it. I did mediation, yoga, everything and in the end it all worked out. 

Please people... Please talk to someone if there is something wrong. Please try to find help, please try to do something to make you feel better. There is always someone that cares and if you think there isn't... I'll be there. 

lots of love,

p.s. I am sorry for my bad grammar. I didn't check it. Just tried to speak my thoughts.