--cross posted from my twitter: @556s_92, posted on Dec 21st--

With a heavy heart, I need to learn the word to let go. 
Because I believe that he's now in a better place with a light feeling, happier and no longer stuck with his dark thoughts that consumed him. 

This morning, I had a dream about SHINee. 
It was the most vivid and clear that I've ever had. 
I still remember the talks that I conversed with. 

So, I was in the middle of convenient store randomly buying few things then the set change to a fansign, there are other artists too but they look sad. 
Then I saw SHINee. 
I met Taemin and I told him I dont have their album with me bcs its a sudden fansign and he said its ok, and I gave him a cheese muffin that I brought earlier and he was thankful. 
Minho was next, I dont remember what I gave to him but he told me that he purchased a bahasa book (lol yes) and promise me to come and meet again with their album, we even make a pinky promise and locked it up. 
It shud be Kibum next but I saw him, 
I saw Jjong with his fuschia suit that he wore during Dejaboo era, with his silver hair. 
I told him Im sorry I dont have their album to sign with and promise him to come back again with the album, but he just smile and he shook his head. 
I told him again that Minho just agree and made a pinky promise to me, but he just smile again and shook his head. 
He looks so peace, so content and happy. 

And thats when I realized its just a dream. 
I wake up with a startled and trembling and checking out the time that it was 5.30 am. 

And I remember that today is his last day. 
I groaned at it. 
I was avoiding at all cost but he appeared in my dream. 
On his last day.

----

I went hiatus on every social media ever since the bad news came. I never meant to forget him, I just need some time and space to cope up and take care of my heart. But I guess, on his last day, before he bid goodbye, he decided to come, eh? Or its just me... 

To dearest friends on AFF, thank you so much for your kind words, it means a lot. It reminds me that I went into this AFF world bcs of SHINee. I found so many Shawols as authors/readers/friends in this website.

I'm still... trying to cope up and mourning ofc. Feel free to hit me up on twitter: @556s_92 :)